I care too much. I care too much about people that either do not care for me the same way or about things I should not be worried about. Now don’t get me wrong I could never care too much for my family, friends, and the people that have made me who I am today. But on the flip side I care too much about things I shouldn’t worry about.

We live in a society where we are so overly concerned about the amount of likes we get on our Instagram selfie, or how many hearts we get on a tweet, or what people think of our outfits. We have been programmed through the structural strain around us that has caused us to be overly concerned with what everyone else thinks. I care too much about what people think of me. I over think everything, what I wear, what I say, what I post, because that has become the cultural norm. No one wants to admit it and everyone tries to be the one in a million being able to go through life without caring what other people think. Some days it easier than others because you wake up a little more confident but that can quickly be surpassed by the way we interact with society. I care too much about what people think of me, if I will be accepted as the dorky no filter girl in a world full of people who make it seem like they have it all together.

I care too much when I have no control over the situation. I think about it constantly even when I am not involved with it on a daily basis. I think for a second it make leave my mind so I can go on and have a somewhat normal day but it always seems to creep its way back into my thoughts. I'm away at school, and although you can never leave your home life at home, I wish not every single thought I have somehow moves back into the things going on at my house that no one really has a clear grasp about. In that sense, I care about what people would say or do if I were ever to tell them the cold truth. Would they look at me differently? Not like me as much? I may never know because I will probably never tell.

I care too much about a guy who doesn’t care at all. He has made that very clear that he doesn’t care, through giving me one word answers, not responding at all, to barely even looking my direction when we see each other. But for some reason that I wish I could know I still care. In all honestly he did not treat me the way I deserved to be treated. But at the end of the end I still care about how school is going for him, his family, if he’s happy, and if there is anything I can do to make his life easier. I wish some days I would erase the conversations we used to have from my memory because then maybe the level at which I care would soon dissipate.

I can say that I care too much, and come to that realization. However saying and doing it are too different things. As much as I wish whole heartily I could I don’t think I will ever stop caring about things I shouldn’t.