While self-care, "me" time, and staying in as the new going out has become the hallmark of the overly exhausted, anxious, and overbooked generation of teens and twentysomethings, accountability is almost non-existent.
We can avoid interacting with delivery people and Uber/Lyft/taxi drivers by tipping through an app. We can forego the "hi, how are you?" by choosing the automated self-checkout machines. We can shy away from turning people down by sending a quick text or e-mail. And worst, we can search and show our explicit prejudices through Google searches. It is unlikely that anyone is going to call us out for being cheap or for being hurtful. And Google won't enact vigilante justice when we search downright offensive and disturbing questions or statements. We lose all accountability when we allow ourselves to choose convenience over quality and judgment over thoughtfulness.
We're not hiding; we are simply living our public lives on the Internet instead off outside of our bedrooms. When we can avoid doing certain things for the sake of ease or dare I say our own self-care and wellness, we get away with much more than we otherwise would.
We cannot give from an empty vessel, so of course, we need time to refuel and restock, often in the form of "me" time, self-care and staying in, but why did it become acceptable to bail on friends at the last minute or ignore customer service people in stores?
When and why did we stop showing up for each other and only show up for grandiose causes? No wonder we are so tired, our livelihoods are a battle for sufficient healthcare, tax reform, environmental causes, and every other political and legal curveball that has been thrown our way recently. If we are not embroiled in this strife, we are hearing about it, seeing it, or living it and our only escape is through cutting back our responsibilities and our interactions.
William Deresiewicz writes in his book, Excellent Sheep: The Miseducation of the American Elite and the Way to a Meaningful Life, "Today's young people belong to a 'post-emotional' generation - that they prefer to avoid feelings that are too chaotic and too powerful." If we limit how much we feel and how complicated those feelings are, we feel protected, safe, and not vulnerable. We have feelings about so many injustices and big issues and yet, we cannot make time or space for the emotions that personally shape us and affect us.
I love a break, a "me" moment, a day-off or away, and staying in as much as the next person, but I wouldn't want to trade interactions with people simply so I can feel good about myself. I know it's an unpopular opinion, but the way I see it is that the purpose of all the self-care and self-love activities and conversations are to make us better citizens, friends, parents, siblings, students, workers, and so on and so forth.
Our energy needs to be prioritized -- a bit for ourselves, a bit for our work, a bit for our family, a bit for friends, a bit for the strangers we encounter on a daily basis, and a bit for anything or anyone else we might need. Our priorities keep us accountable and responsible for how we behave, how we treat people, and how we move through the world. Self-care should never be selfish; it should show us how we should care for ourselves and in turn, everyone else around us.
