I am an extrovert.

This is not a secret, nor is it particularly subtle. When asked to describe me on my first day of kindergarten, my mother told the teacher that I was “gregarious.” (What I’m saying here is that nothing has changed in the last decade and a half.) Being around people makes me feel positive, energized, and more like myself. I prefer social situations over being alone; rarely does solitude make me feel centered or recharged, the way that many introverts describe. Even my best thinking tends to be done in groups— although I write most productively by myself, I think that many of my strongest ideas begin as a product of discussion or thinking aloud (even if only to my cat).

Being an extrovert, however, does not exempt me from the anxiety that frequently accompany social situations. I see plenty of articles describing ways that you can care for the introverts in your life. I think that articles like this are great, particularly since it can be difficult for someone like me to understand why anyone would want to cuddle up alone for long stretches of time. Equally important, however, is understanding how to look after the extroverts in your life. Just as I can respect but not fully understand the love of solitude, I think that introverts sometimes struggle to comprehend how I can want to be around people so much.

So, for introverts, extroverts, and anyone in between, here are a few suggestions for how to care for the extroverts you love. I can only speak from my own experience, of course, but for my part, these are some things I think you should know.

1. We get social anxiety, too.

For me, part of being an extroverted person means being acutely aware of interactions between everyone in a room. We tend to put ourselves out there a lot, and many of us enjoy positioning ourselves at the center of attention. The center is, however, a very vulnerable place to put yourself. Just because I like social situations doesn’t mean that they’re always easy to navigate, and sometimes flubbing a conversation can leave me questioning my words or actions for hours or even days. Be gentle with us; we’re only human, and we may not be as confident as we appear.

2. Don’t assume that we want to be alone.

I recently went through a rough patch in my personal life, and a member of my Introvert Crew (TM) stopped by to check in on me. He was (as per usual) extremely thoughtful and kind, but after just a few minutes he told me that he was going to leave me be because he understood the desire for solitude.

I, too, can understand the desire for solitude during hard times, but here’s the thing— I didn’t have that desire at all. As a matter of fact, I rarely do, especially when I’m feeling down. If I’m feeling depressed or anxious, the best possible thing for me is to have loved ones by my side. I don’t relate this story to knock my friend; on the contrary, he was doing the best thing he knew how to do for me, and for that I am grateful. Nor do I expect everyone to just come running when I’m having a bad day— I know I’m not the center of the universe.

Instead, my advice here is that if someone you know is in a bad place and you have the time and energy to spend with them, make your presence an offer rather than a statement. “Would you like company?” or “Would it help if I stay with you?” are gentle ways to offer your presence while still giving your friend the option to be alone if that’s what they need.

3. Sometimes it’s hard to know when we’re being a pain in your butt.

Although I try to be conscientious of the fact that not everyone enjoys constant companionship the way I do, sometimes it can be hard to know how much is too much. As much as I love the company of my friends, I also don’t want them to feel like I’m looming over them. Sometimes I get nervous that they would actually prefer that I leave them alone but they’re too polite to say anything about it.

In this case, the best suggestion I can give is to communicate clearly and openly. If you want some alone time, just say so. I would also add that a quick explanation can help a lot, if you’re willing to give it. Someone telling me, “Sorry, I don’t really want company today,” makes me feel instinctively concerned, either that my friend is upset or that I have done something wrong. “I need some time on my own to recharge,” on the other hand, makes me feel much more confident both that my friend is okay and that I haven’t done anything to bother them. Being in that head-space makes it much easier for me to leave my friend in peace without any nagging anxiety.

4. Remember that everyone is different.

While I consider myself an extrovert of the “always active” variety, meaning that I enjoy human contact a majority of the time, other extroverts may prefer a little more space in their life. Some may be extroverts with introverted tendencies, meaning that a person who seems more shy and reserved actually thrives on interaction. By contrast, someone you think is an extrovert may actually be a really outgoing introvert. There’s no easy classification for most people, and that’s okay. The best way to know how your friends tick is to simply ask them. Good communication is the foundation of any strong relationship, regardless of its nature.

Think about the way that you would want to be treated in a particular situation, and then take a step back and consider whether someone else might not approach that scenario the same way. This goes for extroverts and introverts alike. I would like to have some time alone if I were going through that, but does my friend? I would be more comfortable going solo to this event, but will my significant other feel the same way? When in doubt, it’s almost always better to just ask.

5. Be patient.

This suggestion relates to the previous one in that everyone is going to make mistakes sometimes. As much as we may try to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes, there will be times when we get it all wrong. If that ever happens to you, try to be patient and trust that your loved one is doing the best they know how to. If you’re concerned about it happening again, just explain yourself. “Hey, I know you just wanted to support me, and I really appreciate that, but next time could you please…” Language like this is a great way to let someone know that you are grateful for their help while still ensuring that you get whatever kind of care you need.