In late February of 2020, I was involved in a fatal car accident. That sentence right there makes people freeze for a second. Today I'm here to tell you what you've never been told about being in a car accident. The moments leading up to it, the moments right after, and the mental + physical recovery. Buckle up cause this could be a long one.

It was about 9:10 pm and I was driving on a very familiar back road on my way to drop my friend off at her house. We were having a casual conversation when out of nowhere I hear, "oh my god," escape from my friend's mouth in fear. At first, I was confused because I didn't know what she was referring to but then I quickly realized that there was a car coming straight towards us in our lane. The other car had just passed a curve so I assumed she just took the curve too quickly, but as time quickly passed I realized she's not getting back over. Still trying to assume the best, I started honking my horn, hoping she was just distracted and would get over. I thought in my head how she would just get back in her lane and then my friend and I would have an interesting story to tell. But, she didn't get over and now we have an even more interesting story to tell.

At the very last second, I swerved into her lane where we then collided twice. Airbags blew open and all I could hear was the screams of me and my friend. I really hope that in life you never have to scream your friend's name to make sure they're alive. My car flew forwards 30 feet and then came to a stop. When the car stopped I undid my seat belt, checked on my friend, and got out of the car repeatedly saying, "what the fuck just happened," with tears streaming down my face. I looked around for my phone, just wanting to call my mom. My friend who was in the car with me was calling for me because her door wouldn't open but the shock took over my body and for a good 30 seconds, I couldn't move. Eventually, she crawled over the middle console and out of my door. There were these two guys driving behind us who saw the whole thing and immediately called the cops. One of them checked on us but then they both quickly ran to the other driver realizing her injuries are more serious. The accident happened almost right in front of a neighborhood so when a group of teenage boys tried to leave their neighborhood they saw the accident. One of the boys ran over to us and made sure we were okay. He also let us use his phone to call our parents since we still couldn't find ours in the car. We both called our parents sobbing and then all four of them were instantly on their way.

Injuries from car accidents can be as small as a cut or as serious as a fatality. In this case, there was a multitude of injuries. I had a broken left hip, left wrist, and left foot. My friend had severe internal bleeding in her abdomen which resulted in seven inches of her colon and appendix removed. The other driver sadly passed away in the hospital. She was going 22 over and not wearing a seat belt at point of impact.

I spent five days in the hospital and I missed two weeks of school. I never actually thought I'd be in the hospital unless I was giving birth which is still very far away. I rode to the hospital on a stretcher in an ambulance since the adrenaline was wearing off and I could feel the pain in my hip. I was taken to Duke hospital which in case you don't know, is a teaching hospital. When I arrived, I was swarmed with people. Doctors, nurses, students. I have suffered from anxiety my whole life and I don't think any time in my life will ever spark my anxiety that high then when I was first in that trauma room. I just want to take a second and say a big thank you to any nurse who reads this because they are the only reason I survived my hospital stay. I got x-rays on my hip, wrist, and foot and then got a full CT scan. We arrived at the hospital around 10:30 pm and didn't get a hospital room until 4:30 am. But while we were in the trauma room they told us surgery for my hip and wrist might be needed, it wasn't. I did get a giant splint for my wrist and had it for six weeks. After that six week checkpoint, on April 3rd, 2020, I got moved to a smaller brace that is unattachable. I did 4 weeks of physical therapy for hip as well.

Now, the mental aspects of it all. Like I've mentioned before I have suffered from severe anxiety my whole life and since 2015 I've had depression. These two illnesses have made my mental recovery a little harder than usual but it's hard with or without them. I always thought if you got in a car accident you would be scared in the car but after like a month you'd be fine. Boy was I wrong. I rarely get in the car nowadays, which I can also thank corona for I guess but when I'm in the car I'm very jumpy, I'm convinced every car is going to hit me, and on all two-lane roads I have to close my eyes or I'll start crying. I never knew how bad something like this could get because no one ever talked about it. No one ever talks about the PTSD aspects of it too. Some nights just hit harder than others. For example, I've had multiple nights where all I can think about is the accident which leads to crying and panic attacks. I re-live the whole thing which is horrifying to do. Also, no one ever mentions triggers of it either. The girl who hit me was driving a Nissan and I now refuse to go into any Nissan car and don't like talking about Nissan's. I was watching One Tree Hill and there's a scene where Haley gets hit by a car which then triggered my memories of the accident.

I know everyone's story is different, but in hopes that this could help someone, I wanted to share. And although I'm nowhere near good again I'm on my way. Panic attacks are far less frequent, I've driven once, and life is slowly on its way back to normal. Also, I hope you know it's okay to be scared and sad after an accident, no matter the severity. If you are going through something similar or just need a friend to talk to please reach out to me, I will always be here to talk.

Drive safe. Wear your seatbelt. Don't take things for granted.