Ever since the heroic flop of "Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice," superhero fans across the world have been thirsting for the next face-off as compensation. "Captain America: Civil War" certainly delivers in its fiery explosions and introduction of new heroes, but their wardrobe choices have yet to be put under the microscope. We will now critically examine each heroes' choice of crime-fighting attire, and compare them to someone who could have worn it better.
1. Captain America vs. Baby in Patriotic Onesie
Captain America never fails to show off his heart-melting smoulder and jawline of justice, but how does this baby's intimidating eye contact and suave pose compare? The two certainly are both pure and clean-shaven enough, all the baby is lacking is a weapon, unless you consider projectile vomiting and explosive diarrhea deadly (which we definitely do).
2. Iron Man vs. BELLA 2-Slice Toaster, Red
Tony Stark might be getting a little old for the suit; maybe he should give someone younger a chance, perhaps take on an apprentice? This toaster can certainly rock the red, and has a bagel setting. Do you have a bagel setting, Mr. Stark? Didn't think so.
3. Black Widow vs. "Spy Agent" Stock Photo
I respect the crap out of Scarlett Johansson, but honestly, this one was just too easy.
4. Black Panther vs. BDSM Cat-Themed Outfit
The first time Black Panther appeared on screen, I had to suppress all the sex jokes that were popping into my head. The black on black on black leather is one thing, but the metal neck accessory and the CLAWS? Give me a break.
5. Ant-Man vs. Speck of Dust
Okay, so (spoiler) there is one scene in which Ant-Man is neither a rice-sized vigilante nor a regular-sized useless human, but he does the most damage when he's the smallest, so we'll use that to scale. This comparison really is a toss up, though, since literally no one can tell the difference between the two.
6. Wanda Maximoff vs. "hipster outfit" Google Search
I want to give the Scarlet Witch the benefit of the doubt and say she just has impeccable style and loves Urban Outfitters, but chances are the producers just did a quick Google search of "what do teenage girls wear these days?" and took it from there.
7. Spiderman vs. literally any of the others
I'll be honest, I was really skeptical about this new teenage punk taking on all Spidey's responsibility, but he definitely proved himself. Although he didn't add much to the storyline or fight (and is not as much of a hunk as the Amazing Spiderman), his child-like innocence and humor compensated for his 'eh' wardrobe (designed again by Tony Stark. Come on, Tony, do better).
8. Bucky Barnes vs. Heineken
No wonder you're so bitter all the time, Buck. Your replacement arm was modeled after liquid hell.
Overall, "Civil War" was a hit, and despite some wardrobe malfunctions, the cast was too. Who wore it better? You tell me.
