I don't trust people. Never have I ever told one single person everything. Never will I. I, unfortunately, found out young that trust was something too easily broken, and secrets to easily spread. People come and go, ending either in nothing or badly. And when they end on a sour note, you know that person you told things to in confidence will spread those things to someone and so on till it's no longer a secret. I watched my secrets get spread through my small school so quickly that I was the last to know things about my own self. So, when you looked at me and asked why can't I trust you, this is what went through my mind.
I can't trust you because I've watched friends turn into enemies in .2 seconds in front of my face. And if things go south with us, I know things will get out. I've had people I thought of as friends turn to others and ask why I'm talking to them. I've had people call me names behind my back to my friends and turn around and come to me when they feel like being my friend. I've been stabbed in the back so many times it's not even funny.
I can't trust you because my very first boyfriend not only told me after I'd finally agreed to be his girlfriend for the second time that he'd been cheating on his other girlfriend with me, but I'm 80% sure that through the last 4 months of our "relationship" was cheating on me with a different ex-girlfriend of his. And this was after I'd told him she'd threatened me using his own phone, which, for some miraculous reason I never got, had the password to his phone and I didn't.
I can't trust you because I'm too nice to call someone out on their lies in front of their face. Friends, best friends, boyfriends, family, they're all the same. There are people in those groups that look(ed) me in the face and lie(d), so when you tell me the "truth", know that I've probably already found out you're lying to me. I don't trust anyone fully. I'll do what it takes to make sure I'm guarded with the information of the truth so when it comes out, I won't be hurt. I can't be hurt if I've already dealt with whatever emotional pain your lies brought me. So yes, I "stalk" you, but know it's because I feel in my gut at some point that you're not being truthful with me, and, so far, I haven't been wrong. I'm just not strong enough to declare I'm done.
I have a very cynical view on the world lately. Hell, I've watched the strongest relationships die, including my own parents 30 year marriage end because there was no communication and trust. So, i'm sooo sorry that I have trouble trusting anyone at this point since I've lost almost all the relationships that meant the most to me in the past 4 years, and I'm barely clinging onto the last few I have. Trust is not a thing that will ever come easily to me. But it was learned; it was for survival. I'm not sorry for who I am. I've gotten too many knives in my back and front to be sorry. Guess you'll just have to try harder for once.
