I know it's hard. It's hard to let go of something that runs through your mind all the time. But it's even harder to let go of something that hasn't happened. You're left in a state of what if and what could have been.
Dear "Friend",
There was a time when I fell head over heels for you and you didn't even know how I got butterflies in my stomach just when you glanced at me when we passed each other. You never knew how I dreamed of all the things we'd do together, go on dates, take silly pictures, be each other's best friends.
But as time grew the feelings I had felt faded and yours strengthened. I was done waiting and had moved on, but you had just started. You started feeling everything I once had, but I couldn't seem to find those feelings anymore.
You pushed to start a relationship but I pushed you away as far as I could...only to want you close.
We remained in each other's lives, you dated others while I waited. Waited for you to get those feelings back that you once had for me.
Maybe it's that we're still in contact that makes this so hard. It doesn't help that we get along so well and compliment each other perfectly, but there's a part of me that wants this so bad. To test out the waters of this relationship.
There were plenty of times where I thought things were moving forward so I confessed how I felt only to be shot down because you only wanted to be friends.
But I waited and waited every single time because I couldn't let you go. I didn't want to let you go.
There were even times when I thought distance from our friendship would be best so we went months on months without talking, but somehow we found ourselves right back to where we started, and it was like nothing ever happened.
What you didn't know and still don't know is that you were the first person I had ever had strong feelings for, and that's why I can't seem to let you go. I can't help but wonder what things could have happened if I hadn't been so stubborn and given up on the thought of us. And it kills me to know that what could have been will probably never be.
Maybe one day we'll get the chance to see how this relationship ends, whether we're together or not. Just know that my heart will always be open to you.
While letting go and moving on seems like the easy and logical thing to do, just know that with you I don't think I'll be able to.
Sincerely,
My open heart
