You don't want to be prescribed Adderall. You don't want to go through what I did. You don't want to feel the way I did every Sunday night. My life felt like sand that would slip through my hand. There was no control. I could sit there and try so hard to listen to what the teacher was saying, but my brain would be thinking about things it shouldn't. On tests, my heart would pump so quickly and my hand and foot would shake. I couldn't concentrate. Not like that.
But you want my Adderall? You think this is just a game? Something to get you focused, get you to forget about your life. I have to take it. I don't get a choice. I don't get to snort it at parties or not take it when I want to drink because without it, my life is quicksand. Without it, time is not constant; it can move so fast or so slow, and backwards and forwards and up and down. I need it. You want it.
The first time I took it, I couldn't eat lunch. My stomach hurt. And it was horrible. And it just kept on happening that I was eating less and less, and I was losing weight so fast. My prom dress had to be taken in because it didn't fit anymore. And this girl, who didn't even know me, asked why I wasn't eating lunch one day, and I told her it was because of Adderall, and she said she was jealous. Jealous that I had to feel awkward only eating a bite at a restaurant while my extended family stared at me. Jealous that my friend's mom thought I was rude because I refused dinner. Jealous that I constantly had to be explaining myself, explaining that I want to eat, but I can't. Having waiters say, "You didn't like it?" and the only thing the doctor could say was, "We'll keep an eye on it." Is that what you are jealous of?
And that very first afternoon, I had a panic attack in the girls' bathroom, and my sister dropped what she was doing and ran to take me home. Apparently, I didn't eat enough and it digested too quickly.
Somewhere around five adjustments later on the dosage, I am stable. I am eating better, I am feeling better, I am better. But you want me to sell you some? You want my Adderall? You think I'll do it for the money?
I don't take Adderall to get good grades. To lose weight. To have a fun night. I take it in order to survive from day to day.
So no, you can't have any. Not for any price.
