Before I begin this post, let me explain something: I’m not taking a stance here on the pros and cons of being single. I’m just writing out my feelings on the matter, because writing helps me understand my own life a little better… And if I can reach even one person through writing then I’ll consider this article an accomplishment.
So basically I was always in some sort of relationship from the ages of 15-22. Before you assume I’m the type of person who always needs to be in a relationship, though, I would like to clarify that I’ve only ever seriously dated three guys; the relationships just lasted a while because I tend to be really bad at letting people go even when I need to. No one’s perfect and one of my major flaws is holding onto things even when I know it’d be healthier for me to simply, in the words of Elsa, “let it go” (I apologize if that song is now stuck in anyone’s head because it’s currently stuck in mine).
Anyways, this is the longest I’ve gone without being in a relationship with someone since high school and my brain keeps jumping from “This is so great Ashlan! You can do whatever you want with your time and you can go out and flirt with cute guys” (jokes I suck at flirting) to “You know, it’d really be nice to have someone to cuddle with when I’m stressed about school I wish I had a boyfriend.”
I’m not sure if other single people think that way but maybe some do. It’s such a catch-22 because our culture idealizes love so much but also we’re constantly being told to be “strong, independent women who don’t need a man.” Which I’m all for, but I’m also a human with feelings and sometimes it’d be nice to talk to someone else besides my roommates… Who I love more than anything, of course, but friend love and romantic love is very different, obviously.
We tend to put on a brave front when we’re single so we say things to make ourselves feel better, such as: “The right person will come at the right time” or “I have all this time to figure out who the real Ashlan is now.” Those are all valid statements, but at the end of the day, most of us are looking for love. Because that’s the meaning to life, really, if you think about it. Love. I know Ted was arguably the worst character on How I Met Your Mother, but he also said the best quote that comes to describing why we're all searching for love: "But love doesn't make sense. You can't logic your way into or out of it. Love is totally nonsensical. But we have to keep doing it, or else we're lost and love is dead and humanity should just pack it in. Because love is the best thing we do."
If I picture my future, I don’t envision myself living alone and working all the time. Maybe some do, and if that’s what you want, then by all means go for it. When I think about where I want to be in ten years, though, I know I’d like to be married. So even though being single has it’s perks, at the end of the day I think we can all agree that 9/10 of us would choose being in the right relationship with a person who loves us as much as we love them as opposed to being single.
So that leads us to the hard part, which is simply to wait. Wait until you run into that person when you’re buying coffee one morning and you look up and just know that’s who you’ll marry. Wait until you and your best guy friend fall for each other (I know I’ve watched too many romantic comedies but y’all know those relationships are so sweet). Because we never know who’s going to walk into our lives and turn our world upside down. There’s this great quote from Friends With Benefits that sums up the feeling when you find the person you’re meant to be with: “One day you'll meet someone and it'll literally take your breath away. Like you can't breathe. Like no oxygen to the lungs.”
I’m kind of a romantic so I definitely hope that happens to me, but regardless, I guess I’ve answered my question from the beginning of this article: no, I don’t necessarily like being single, but if I have to wait a little while longer before I find the right person, then being single is where I’m supposed to be right now.
