It's no surprise that relationships fail sometimes, whether it's a friendship that fades or a romance that goes down in flames. When we get involved with a person, we often get involved with their circle too -- their friends and family -- and become close with them. When things start taking a turn for the worse, we tend to worry about what those people will think of us because we want them to have positive perceptions of us. Sometimes, finding out that a person's loved one no longer thinks of you as a good person is more hurtful than losing the person we once cherished. But we can't always be the good guy -- not in everyone's story.
You've probably considered yourself a healthy person for others, someone who encourages people and tries their best to be honest and good. But we're not healthy for everyone, and we're not always healthy for everyone. Not being healthy for a person means that you don't lift them up with your personality or efforts from the get-go. Often times than not, I see this when I don't get along with someone who I meet for the first time. Being awkward and shy is one thing, but I get a certain feeling when I meet someone who isn't going to be good for me, and I usually end up being right about it.
When I say you're not always healthy for someone, I mean you can start out being good for someone. You can be a healthy person who wants the best for another person and actively tries to ensure that person is happy. But life happens. Circumstances change, opportunities occur, and sometimes we have to focus on ourselves more than someone else. When we focus on ourselves more, we stop giving the other person everything we have been giving them. This can be upsetting and a dealbreaker for some. There are people who don't take this lightly and will feel abandoned or less valued no matter how much you try to reassure them that you still care about them and that you just need to give yourself some more love.
When this happens, you're not the good guy in their story. You're no longer the good friend who stays up until 3 AM to comfort them or the person who encourages them to take the risks they're afraid to take. Now, you're the selfish person who put themselves before their friend. Their perception of you changes, and they're likely to tell their circle about their newfound impression of you. And as much as we may want to change it, sometimes our words and actions are not enough to persuade someone to change the way they see us.
The next best thing, though, is to accept it. Accept that you're not good for everyone and that sometimes it's because of what you do, and other times, it's because of what someone thinks you did. And think about this the next time you feel like someone is becoming unhealthy for you -- Don't feel bad about cutting them out of your life -- just think about how even though they were once a good influence in your life, now they're not so good for you anymore, and consider the fact that you'll be that person sometimes too.
