One of the most mentally taxing things to deal with, by far, is knowing that a person is bad for you and not being able to forget about him anyway. Your friends don’t like him, your family despises him, you watch him play around and be foolish and clearly do things that mean he’s not into you, but it doesn’t matter. You cannot get him out of your head.
What no one wants to tell you, though, is that it’s okay.
It’s okay to think about him when you see a funny Vine or a link on Instagram. It’s okay to want to text him when you really need someone to talk to. It’s okay to be mad when you see him with someone else. It’s okay to lose your breath when he walks into the room. It’s okay to want to be around him all of the time, and it’s especially okay that he’s the only person on your mind.
You cannot control your heart, no matter how hard you try.
You can try to forget about the way he smells, or the way he talks, or his smile. You can try to pretend that it doesn’t bother you when he doesn’t text you back. You can try to pretend that you’re not leaving your things around just so he knows you’re still there. You can even try going on dates with other people, even though you know you’ll still think about him anyway. You can try.
I always hated the phrase, “the heart wants what the heart wants.” I considered it sappy and totally untrue. Your head controls your heart, so that means you control your heart, right? Wrong. Your heart will tell you things and make you do things that make absolutely no sense to anyone around you, especially yourself. Your heart will tell you that he’ll come back to you, eventually. Your heart will almost force you to go up to him and talk to him, even though you know it only prolongs the manipulation you endure.
You cannot control your heart, and you shouldn’t have to.
Why make yourself miserable wondering why you can’t forget about him? Enjoy it when your heart speeds up whenever he walks by. Enjoy how giddy you get when he smiles at you. Enjoy it when he asks you to talk. Embrace the feeling you get when you’re around him; that spot in your chest that gets warm when his arm brushes yours. Embrace the idea that there is someone so special to you that you cannot let him go. Relish the idea that you have had the pleasure to love someone so much that you cannot imagine your life without him in it.
You cannot control your heart, so why bother?
