True story: I spent almost the whole night before move-in day shaking and crying in my room. I had no idea what was going to happen to me. I still do not. The night that my family left, I still cried uncontrollably. There were a lot of tears. Now, I am sitting here writing from my dorm room, on the first full day, and second day actually on campus. There's rain pouring outside my window. I'm chilling. I'm basically sitting in my room with nothing but my laptop and my own thoughts. I'm not being antisocial, I promise. There are events tonight that I'll be going to. But there are no restrictions on where I can go, how late I can come home, or what I can do. I am no longer in the realm of parental checkups and curfews. I don't have many friends here, so making new friends and connections is up to me. I can't rely on my parents for introductions to people I may know, and I can't rely on all of my friends back home to be at an event. I am my own unit. I am my own single person. I honestly have never felt this sense of singularity before. I've felt on my own, but being dropped off on a college campus where I know virtually no one is a rather intimidating kind of solitude. It's one that I find extremely daunting and uncomfortable.
When I was little, my mom would sometimes tell me to go downstairs and get something. It would be dark, and the house would feel hugely empty and I felt scared and alone. But little child me would walk down those stairs to get what my mom asked for. I would sing at the top of my lungs something that I will always remember: "God is with me." I was not a great singer, but you get the point. I was little, but I trusted in God more than anything. I knew that no matter how dark the living room got at night, and no matter how vulnerable I felt, I would always have God to watch my back.
And so I sit here in college, snacking on a box of whale crackers and sipping on some water we found on sale at Walmart. Ordinarily I would be terrified that I'll never survive. But in my heart I know that no matter how alone I feel on campus, no matter how scared I may be, God is with me. He's not physically next to me, of course. But I am most definitely not alone in this quiet dorm of mine. I am sitting in the presence of a Savior who has told me over and over that he will never leave me or forsake me or let me become abandoned (Deuteronomy 31:8, Joshua 1:9, 1 Peter 5:7, Hebrews 13:5-6). I'll always remember:
I might be by myself, but I am not alone.
