Who am I?
What a simple question.
At least that’s what I thought.
I’m imperfect.
I am young. Ambitious. Fearful. Terrified.
I am kind. Optimistic. Trustworthy. Naïve.
I am curious. Passionate. Strong. Lost.
I’m unique.
A few days ago, at work, a guy working in the kitchen started up what I thought was going to be a light-hearted conversation, and for the life of me I can’t get over what he said.
We began to discuss the topic of dating.
We talked about love and lust.
How impossible it is to know what you’re feeling, let alone the other person.
And then he said to me, "People nowadays spend so much time worrying about finding love, finding their own happiness in companionship, in other people. We really don’t take the time anymore to be in love with ourselves. To really know our own selves inside and out. To be our own soul mates."
Wow.
He was absolutely right.
Do I really even know myself?
I don’t even know my best friends favorite color, let alone mine.
Who am I? Who really am I? Do I really know myself? All the good, the bad, and the ugly.
It’s a really strange concept, the idea of fully knowing yourself. The idea of falling completely in love with yourself. Being your own soul mate.
Knowing the things, you do and why you do them.
Accepting each and every one of your flaws that make you exactly who you are, no matter how f***d up they seem. No matter how f**d up you think you are.
Accepting all the weird little quirks you do.
All the weird little mannerisms that you have.
Why you do the things you do.
How you became the person you are today.
Loving yourself and accepting yourself.
It’s hard.
It’s really difficult to know the answer to who you are.
And it’s even more difficult to really get to know yourself.
At first, I was terrified.
Do I really want to know every little thing about myself?
Why I do the things I do.
How do I accept my many flaws?
It’s scary.
Knowing every little thing about yourself is hard. And a lot of work.
You begin to actually look at yourself through a different perspective.
It’s the weirdest thing to take a seat, analyze and intently watch yourself.
I’ve been doing it for less than a week and I’m already like wtf is going on. Why, why did this guy at work have to say this to me? Why do I now need and want to learn every little thing about myself!?
And the craziest part is that I don’t want to stop, and I don’t really think I can.
Who am I?
I never thought about it in any type of analytical way, and I think that’s why I always saw it as such a simple question.
The truth is we may never really know who we are. We’re complex human beings that are constantly evolving and going through the motions and emotions of this crazy, beautiful, f***d up thing called life.
I want to be my own soul mate.
I want to know everything about myself. And more importantly be okay with it.
I want to learn to love my dysfunctional state of mind.
I'm going to learn how to be my own soulmate.
One day, I'm going to know who I am.
Who am I?
I’m perfectly imperfect.
I am young. Ambitious. Fearful. Eager.
I am kind. Optimistic. Trustworthy. And way, way too naïve.
I am curious. Passionate. Strong. Exactly where I need to be.
I'm genuinely me.
