The goal of an adult bully is to gain power over another person, and make themselves more dominant. They try to humiliate victims, and “show them who is boss.”� A 2013 Workplace Bullying Institute poll "conducted by Zogby of Business Leaders, CXO-level corporate leaders, showed that 68% of executives considered 'workplace bullying a serious problem.' And according to this current 2014 Survey, 48% of Americans are affected by bullying."
I want you to close your eyes and ask yourself if you have ever been bullied.
Now, close your eyes and ask yourself if you have ever bullied someone else.
One would think that as people mature and progress through life, that they would stop behaviors of their youth. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Sadly, adults can be bullies, just as children and teenagers can be bullies. According to the Workplace Bullying Institute, 27% of adults have current or past experience with abusive conduct at work. While adults are more likely to use verbal bullying as opposed to physical bullying, the fact of the matter is that adult bullying exists.
Sadly, it happens every day, in the offices, dorms, halls and classrooms around us. We all see it. We all know it’s there. Right now, 29% of workplace bullying is stopped by the victim "voluntarily" leaving their job to escape mistreatment, 19% are forced to quit after work conditions get worse, and 13% of the victims are fired by their employers. The same source further notes that, "When consider[ing] only job loss and not transfers or punishment with job retention, targets lose their jobs at a much higher rate than perpetrators (82% vs. 18%). When bullies are men regardless of the targets gender the loss rate is equally high. However, when bullies are women, women targets lose their jobs 89% of the time. Notably women bullies, as perpetrators, suffer the highest job loss rate (30%) of any gender pairing." Finally, 18% of adults in the workplace report that the bullying has not stopped.
Now it’s time that we all do something to stop it. I am asking you to stand with me, and stand with each other. I am asking all of us to speak up, whether it’s in the hallways, or online we have all experienced harassment.
There are a few different types of "adult bullies."
Narcissistic Adult Bully: This is one of the most common. This person has no empathy for others, they are self-centered with no fear for consequences. He or she seems to feel good about him or herself, but in reality, has a breakable narcissism that requires putting others down to feel good about themselves.
Popular fiction example: Regina George "Mean Girls", and Dolores Umbridge, "Harry Potter"
Impulsive Adult Bully: These bullies are more unstructured. Even if consequences are likely, this person has a hard time restraining his or her behavior. In some cases, this type of bullying may be unintentional, resulting in periods of stress.
Popular Fiction Example: Angelica Pickles, "Rugrats" and Tom Cat, "Tom and Jerry"
Physical Bully: While physical confrontation may seem like a childhood nightmare, there are nonetheless, still bullies that use physicality. According to one source, "46 percent of males followed by 26 percent of females have admitted to being victims in physical fights as reported in one report of bullying statistics by the Bureau of Justice School." In some cases, the adult bully may not actually physically harm the victim, but may use the threat of harm, or physical domination. Additionally, a physical bully may damage or steal a victim’s property, rather than physically confronting the victim.
Popular fiction example: Biff Tannon, "Back to the Future" and Miss Trunchbull, "Matilda"
Verbal Adult Bully: Words can be quite damaging. This person may start rumors about the victim, or use sarcastic or demeaning language to dominate or humiliate another person. This is especially common online. This subtle type of bullying is difficult to document. However, the emotional and psychological impacts of verbal bullying can be felt quite intensely and can result in reduced job performance and even depression.
Popular fiction example: Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Full Metal Jacket and Simon Cowell, American Idol
Secondary Adult Bully: This is someone who does not initiate the bullying, but joins in so that he or she does not actually become a victim down the road. Secondary bullies may feel bad about what they are doing, but are more concerned about protecting themselves.
Popular Fiction example: Gamemakers from "The Hunger Games"
Here are some myths and facts about bullying:
Myth: “Bullying is just a stage, a normal part of life.”
Fact: Bullying is not a “normal” or socially acceptable behavior. We give bullies power by our acceptance of this behavior.
Myth: “If I tell someone, it will just make it worse.”
Fact: Research shows that bullying will stop when adults and peers get involved. 60% of bullying is stopped by peer intervention.
Myth: ”Just stand up for yourself and hit them back.”
Fact: While there are times when people can be forced to defend themselves, hitting back usually makes things worse and increases the risk for serious physical harm.
Myth: “Bullying is a school problem, the teachers should handle it.”
Fact: Bullying is a broader social problem that happens everywhere, and it takes all of us to make a difference.
Myth: “People are born bullies.”
Fact: Bullying is a learned behavior and behaviors can be changed.
Myth: "It was just a joke." or "I was being sarcastic."
Fact: Sarcasm works for some people, for others it just hurts. It is important to think before you speak, especially if you are about to degrade another person based on your own twisted humor.
Telling someone they are fat doesn’t make us any skinnier, telling someone they are stupid doesn’t make you any smarter, and telling someone to die doesn’t make you any better than them. It only takes a second to tell someone these things, but it takes a lifetime to get over it. We need to start taking a stand. We need to stand behind the people who stick up for themselves and we need to speak up for those around us who don’t. We are human beings, and it’s okay if you are religious or not, it’s okay if your skin color is different, or what your sexuality is or if you like to party or stay home and read books. We are all different and that is what makes us unique and special and worth it. That’s what makes life exciting.
If you are a victim of bullying, you deserve to be happy and full of joy. Avoid toxic and poisonous individuals. If somebody starts to play with your self-esteem, tell someone. Tell your best friend or your family. Tell a trusted teacher, or someone in the counseling department. Tell me. We can make the CHOICE to improve our communities.
