The first time I was ever bullied was in kindergarten. It was my very first day and I couldn't find my classroom. I remember walking up to a big sixth grader, asking him where the first grade room was. Without any hesitation, I was punched in the stomach and pushed down onto the floor. I was so confused. I didn't understand what I did wrong to be hit and pushed. These types of actions lasted through kindergarten. I was purposely left out and not invited to birthday parties because people didn't like me. I was only 5 years old.
Fast forward a bit to 1st grade. Regardless of what happened in kindergarten, I loved socializing, participating in class, and being around people. Unfortunately, the kids in my class weren't too fond of me being so bubbly and happy. That's when it started; from 1st through 8th grade I was tortured, harassed, made fun of, and attacked daily. They tore me down, made me feel worthless and it brought joy to their miserable lives.
In 5th grade, my dad was diagnosed with ALS. My family and I were extremely depressed, worried, anxious, and confused as to why this was happening to us. Around December of my 6th grade year, he passed away. When the girls in my class found out why I wasn't so happy anymore, they used it to their advantage.
They targeted me worse than ever. They left me out more often, would purposely complain if I was put in a group with them to do work, and laugh at me, even if I was doing absolutely nothing. If I cried in class, they would tell me that I was using my dad’s death as an excuse for attention, that I was pathetic, that I'm “so ugly” when I cry. This would happen in the middle of class and the teachers would just ignore it.
In 8th grade I transferred to another elementary school, only for that year. It was so difficult walking into a new class full of people that were probably already against me because I was the new girl walking into a class that had been together since kindergarten. The first few months were fine. Then it took a sharp downfall. There was a boy that I liked, and he liked me. We hung out, talked all the time, had lunch together, and really enjoyed each other's company. Two girls that, apparently, didn't approve of me, spread rumors, called me names, made fun of me, and told me lies about the boy that liked me. They did this until the boy and I didn't speak to each other anymore.
In high school, I bloomed. Granted, people still didn't like me and there were rumors spread, but I ignored everything and anyone that was a negative influence in my life. I was not going to let another person hurt me, even if they were my best friend. I always had walls up and I never let anyone know too much about me. I had one good friend throughout high school. She stuck by me no matter what and I knew I could always count on her. It felt great having a real friend for once.
In college, I blossomed. Now, I don't let anything negative affect me in any way, shape, or form. No matter how poorly my day may be going, I'm always nice, friendly, and my usual bubbly self. I want to be that person that people can come up to and vent to if they have to. I have five great friends that I could never ever see my life without and I know I can count on them no matter what.
Looking at myself now, no one would ever know how I was treated in elementary school. I absolutely love me, I love who I am, and I will never stop loving myself no matter what anyone says or does.
So THANK YOU to all those who hurt me, tested me, made obstacles for me and made me the strongest person that I could ever be. I wouldn't be who I am today without you.
