Have you ever been hurt so bad that you felt like you were kicked down to the ground and just stomped on, left on the pavement, and then just watching as the person who did that to you walk away and never looked back? Metaphorically of course…
You see after my last relationship, that is EXACTLY how I felt. I had never been so low in my life. After a few months of "healing," I felt anger and resentment and I honestly just wanted a guy to know how it felt. How it felt to love someone soo much and then have it ripped away from them. I wanted them to know how it felt to feel so broken!
Months went by and I eventually was over him; I finally felt like I was "ready" to date again. I started talking to a few cute guys and things went well until I would feel this little thing in my gut that was telling me:
"Leave him before he has the chance to break your heart and leave you."
So that's exactly what I did… I did this to a few guys because every single time I would get close to one of them, I would hear that little voice. What I didn't realize is that I was doing exactly what my ex did to me, to them. Once it all finally clicked, I felt like the sh****** person on earth because I know how it feels, and, yeah, I said and felt some things out of anger, but I never intended on hurting innocent guys for how my ex treated me.
I left the "dating game" for quite a bit because honestly, I just wasn't ready… No matter how hard I tried to convince myself that I was, I knew deep down that I just wasn't there yet, and honestly, that was the best choice I could have possibly done for myself.
During this time I learned my self-worth, I gained the confidence that my ex had destroyed, and I had learned what I was looking for in a partner. There is a part of me that still hates myself for what I had done and I think I will always carry a little bit of guilt for that, but, because of that, I had realized who I am and my actions did not show my true character because that is not me.