lasting relationship

You Have To Give A Brick To Build Lasting Relationships

Vulnerability is the key to building lasting, impactful relationships.

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Guys build relationships through shoulder-to-shoulder interactions. These interactions include: playing sports together, watching sports together, or getting drinks at a bar together.

Girls are the opposite. Girls build relationships through face to face interactions and by being vulnerable with one another. Shared experiences and talking about things we have done and been through is what brings us closer together.

This process of being vulnerable and sharing stories about our experiences is what is referred to as "giving bricks."

During sorority recruitment work week, we had an amazing public speaker who came to talk to us about the relationship between sorority women and potential new members, and how to quickly and effectively build a good rapport.

Throughout her speech, so many new concepts and analogies unfolded before my eyes that ended up leaving a huge impact on me. Namely, her concept of "giving bricks." The topic of conversation began with how to break beneath the surface level with a person you have just met and dig deeper. During sorority recruitment, it is important to get to know who a girl is deep down, beyond what her major is and where she is from. Small talk is friendly, sure. However, small talk does not enable you to fully understand and capture who a person truly is.

Imagine a tall brick wall. Reach up as high as you can and pick off a brick from the very top. Now give it to someone you just met. Just like in Jenga, taking a block from the top essentially does nothing and will not cause your tower to come crashing to the floor. In relationship building, if you share a very small, surface level piece of information with somebody, it will not negatively affect your relationship with that person but it won't make it better either. Handing over a brick from the top of your wall is not the way to dig deep and find out who somebody is.

Now imagine yourself taking a brick from the center of your wall. It's a little tougher to access and takes some effort to remove it, but again, it will not send your wall toppling to the ground. Sharing something personal with another person will actually encourage them to do the same with you. If you give someone a brick from the middle, they likely will give you one from the middle of their wall too because you just opened up a conversation. You are inviting them to dive below the surface level and your vulnerability will give them the confidence to share something a little more personal with you. Not harmful, not too invasive, but just enough to catch a glimpse at their character and what they are interested in or what is important to them.

Finally, try taking a brick from the very base of your wall. It is taxing. It is hardest to access, and it made the rest of your structure shake and teeter a bit. Selecting a brick from the most important part of your wall is the hardest grab thus far. It literally is the foundation of the rest of your wall. You are the wall. Digging deep, getting vulnerable, and sharing personal information about what we value and fear most, trust and steer clear of most is what will build the most authentic, genuine relationship. It is the most vulnerable you can be with another person.

If you decide to give a brick from the bottom of your wall to another person, they will crouch down and pick up a brick straight from their foundation too and hand it straight over. Giving a brick from the base is equivalent to building a strong, lasting relationship with another person. It is something intimate and deep you get to experience together. Your closest friends are the people you share the most bricks with, and the people you call acquaintances only get the bricks from the tippy top.

Whether you chose to give a brick from the top, middle, or base to hand over to someone will determine how close you are willing to get to them. If your goal is to get to know them, you have to share something about yourself.

What is important to you? What motivates you in life? What are the things that make up YOUR foundation?

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20 'Thank Yous' My Best Friends Need To Hear BEFORE The Semester Ends

Because I don't thank you enough.

Cassie
Cassie
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When I decided to graduate a year early, I never thought about how hard it would be to say goodbye. The best part of my three-year journey at Florida State was the friends that I had made. The friends you meet in college are the friends you will never forget. Although in two weeks we will be miles apart, this is not the end of us-- this is a different type of forever. At this point, all I can say is thank you for making my time here unforgettable. Thank you:

1. For buying me Ice Cream when I had a bad day.

2. For pushing me out of my comfort zone. 

3. For teaching me the right way to do Happy Hour. 

4. For complimenting me when I wore that tight dress.

5. For forcing me to go to the library with you.

6. For *trying* to make me go to the gym.

7. For giving me great advice that you know I won't follow. 

8. For letting me borrow your new shirt even though you haven't even worn it yet.

9. For forgiving me when I get a little sassy.

10. For telling me I can do better. 

11. For reading my shitty articles. 

12. For ignoring my absolutely terrible singing. 

13. For laughing at my jokes. 

14. For roasting me in the group chat. 

15. For driving me to class when I was too lazy to find parking. 

16. For picking me up from class when I was too lazy to walk back home.

17. For lending me money because I really REALLY needed that extra guacamole.

18. For tolerating my annoying self after your stressful day.

19. For staying up late because I didn't want to watch the scary movie alone.

20. For being the best friends I ever had.

Cassie
Cassie

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10 Secrets To Staying Close With Your Hometown Besties In College

No matter what people say, it's possible to stay best friends forever.

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My hometown best friends and I were truly inseparable in high school. Seriously, we spent every waking moment together. But when the time came for us to go away for college, each of us chose a different path. We became long distance best friends overnight. Three years later, despite the distance between us and the infrequent visits, we have managed to remain the closest of friends. So if you want to know the secrets to remaining friends with your hometown besties in college, you've come to the right place.

1. Send lots of text messages.

Victor Hanacek on Picjumbo

Take a few minutes out of your day to text your best friends. A simple "how are you?" text can go a long way.

2. Talk on the phone as much as you can.

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We all know that texting is not the most effective means of communication, so try giving your bestie an old fashioned ring on the phone whenever you can.

3. Surprise your friends with snail mail.

Catkin from Pixabay

Everyone loves getting little surprises in the mail. Sending your best friends a card for their birthday or face mask before finals in the mail is a simple way to say I love you and I'm cheering you on!

4. Plan to go home on the same weekends.

Steven Ma on Goodstock

Always be sure to let your hometown best friends know when you're planning to visit home. Chances are, they'll meet you there!

5. Make attending important life events a priority

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From birthdays and engagement parties to breakups and crises, it's imperative that you show up for your friends. Experiencing the ups and downs of life together will keep you closer than anything else.

6. Visit each other at college

UNC Charlotte

Trust me, visiting your friends at college is always worth it. You'll finally understand why your bff can't stop talking about that cute little coffee shop on the corner.

7. Make an effort to get to know their college friends.

Brianna Elizabeth

Making time to get to know your friend's friends will make all of your conversations easier. Plus, it's always nice to meet the new people in your best friend's life.

8. Take a fun trip together.

Brianna Elizabeth

Planning a fun trip together is an intentional way to spend time with your besties from high school, even if it's just for a weekend. This will give you plenty of time to catch up, and you'll make new memories while you're at it.

9. Share the details of your life with them.

Beth Gordon on The Mighty

Never stop including your hometown friends the latest news and drama of your life. They are your biggest fans and lifelong supporters, so keep them in the loop.

10. Just show up when they need you.

Brianna Elizabeth

This is the ultimate rule of friendship. Just show up when your friends need you, and everything else will fall into place.

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