Okay guys, lets cut the macho man BS for a second. We've all gone through a heartbreak or bad breakup before. It happens to us all and we all deal with it in different ways. Some of us binge watch Netflix or isolate ourselves, others get out there and shake a stick at whatever is moving (if you get what I mean). All of us do, however, have a choice to either build up or break down. We develop habits that aren't necessarily healthy or productive to our long term goals and only heal our pain for a short time. I'm talking about alcoholism and drug use or even withdrawing from life in general.
So how should we be dealing with our break ups? We live in a world where the answer to pain is to numb ourselves. Using drugs and alcohol to heal after a breakup is like using painkillers to heal a broken leg. Ya it gets rid of the symptoms but doesn't fix anything. The first place to start is to stay busy. It's when you are sitting around doing nothing that your mind will wander and your thoughts and emotions will tear you to shreds. I remember sitting in my room one day in pieces until I decided to get up and go the gym. That wasn't the necessarily the last time I ever felt down or in pieces but it was the last time I sat there until I felt miserable. I got too busy to feel sad. It doesn't even have to be in the gym. Find your escape whether it is under a car, in a tree stand, at a piano, or even if it's at work. Get busy.
The second thing you need to realize is that it's ok to feel emotions. Unfortunately we live in a society where you always need to be ok. Someone asks, "hey, how are you?" And without even thinking we respond with, "good!" Even if we are barely holding it together. I'm not saying you need to unload your luggage on the polite stranger who asks how your day is but you do need to know that it's ok to be angry, sad, or frustrated. You're human, you feel things. Hiding your emotions is not only damaging, it makes the healing process take significantly longer.
My third and final piece of advice applies to life in general. Explore. Take risks. Don't be afraid. While it's normal to feel alone after a breakup, don't let the feeling of being lost or alone keep you from experiencing life. Most of us tend to build up a box of things we are willing to experience or situations we can handle. This box gets even smaller after a breakup and if you let the box limit you, it will only get smaller. By exploring the world outside your original box, you will be creating a world where you no longer walk among memories of the previous relationship all the time.
Yes, breakups are hard and it can be easy to lose yourself in the process of healing. It is important to not only heal during this time, but to grow. Grow into someone you are proud of. If you do this, you will find how better off you are without the person who walked out.
