It’s no secret that breakups are hard.
They make us terribly emotional, they weaken our spirit, and the worst of them can even put a dent in us physically. Whether it’s that summer fling that has approached its expiration date, or a 3 year long relationship that’s finally over, it never seems to get easier. The reason why breakups are so tough is because every time we experience a breakup, we forget how to handle them. It feels like the world is ending and our brain completely shuts off, leaving us bewildered at how to possibly cope.
Luckily for you all, I’ve had the pleasure of getting my heart broken enough times to have mastered the best routine for dealing with breakups, or what I like to call “The Breakup Bible”. If you’re going through a breakup right now, turn to this rite of passage and you’ll be feeling like yourself in no time.
I. You can cry, ain’t no shame in it. – Will Smith
The first phase of healing from a breakup is to LET yourself cry. You may cry for minutes, hours, or even days; whichever it is, just remember that it is perfectly ok and actually healthy. Our tears are our bodies’ way of releasing pent up emotions such as anger, hurt, or sadness. In fact, crying is extremely beneficial for us because tears release proteins that contain hormones which build up to high levels when the body experiences emotional stress. If tears aren’t cried, the stress chemicals are not dispelled and can cause havoc to our immune system and other biological processes. So go ahead, have a good cry. Your body deserves it.
II. Laughter heals all wounds, and that’s one thing that everybody shares. No matter what you’re going through, it makes you forget about your problems. I think the world should keep on laughing. – Kevin Hart
After you’ve allowed yourself to cry enough tears that they’re worthy of a monsoon, it’s time to lift your energy. No more moping, no more pity parties, you’ve graduated to the next phase. You may not be ready to get back out there and go on a date, or even go out in public yet, but it’s time to take a shower, order some takeout, and whip out the comedies. Whether you fancy the silliness of Tru TV’s Impractical Jokers, crave the hilarity of Aziz Ansari’s standups, or prefer to immerse yourself in a Rom-Com (Jennifer Aniston’s The Breakup is a good one)—give yourself a break from thinking about your breakup. Even though it may only be a temporary distraction, you’ll be surprised at how effective laughing for a couple of hours can be at lifting your mood.
III. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up. –Regina Brett
It’s highly unlikely that after shedding some tears and watching some comedies, that you’ll feel ready to resume your normal life. Honestly, you probably still feel like crap and would rather stay in bed all day. But, while you’ve been mourning your breakup, classes have still been going on, work hasn’t been put on pause, and the world hasn’t stopped spinning. As much as we hate to do it, we have to return to the real world. But the good news is, that getting yourself out of bed and getting ready for the day, does a lot more for you than you think it will. Slapping some makeup on, getting out of those pajamas and into a cute outfit, will remind you that you are one hot dime. Returning to your normal routine and interacting with your friends, coworkers, or classmates will remind you that there is more to life than your ex. So remember, you’re not going to feel 100% when it’s that time to hit the un-pause button and go back to reality; but even so, give yourself the push and do it. You will thank me later.
IV. I feel like in my music I can be a rebel. I can say things I wouldn’t say in real life. – Taylor Swift
After you’ve completed the first 3 phases of the Breakup Bible, your sadness has probably transitioned into anger. The need to cry has vanished, but feelings of frustration and rage are bubbling at the surface. It’s time to turn up the volume, apologize to your neighbors, and play some music. My personal favorite go-to breakup music is Taylor Swift, as she is a music artist that dominates that genre. But whatever your cup of tea may be, instead of letting that anger consume you, sing it out through some melodies or spit out some raps. This process of singing or rapping words that resonate with your situation is so therapeutic, it’s just like if you had a therapy session.
V. Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher. –Oprah Winfrey
The most important component in the Breakup Bible is this last one right here. Throughout each phase of healing after your breakup, you must surround yourself with people who love and care about you. Definitively, the most painful part of a breakup is feeling alone and unloved. Yet, even though that’s how you’re feeling, it isn’t the reality. And by keeping close company with your tightest-knit friends and making a retreat or two to visit your family, it reminds you of that very fact. When you’re healing from a breakup, you need to stay in close contact with those who you trust to be there for you when things have fallen apart. Whether it’s your best friends, your family, or a combination of both, these are the people that will help lift you up, cheer you on, and give you unconditional love. They are all that you need.
There you have it, the five essentials of recovering from a breakup. The Breakup Bible may not take away your pain or your hurt, but it is a tool that will help you in your path of healing your pain and hurt. The Breakup Bible will remind you that you cannot stay stuck in any one phase and that healing from a breakup is a linear process; you must keep moving forward. Even if it is just one step at a time.
