I dated him for over two years.

We did everything together.

I entered a different world when I laid in his arms, felt his touch, and kissed his electric lips.

It was amazing. It was beautiful. He was my first true love.

But…something always felt off.

From the day we started dating, I had a feeling that something wasn’t right, but I pushed it back, wayyyy back, because my love for him was stronger than I had ever felt before. But then, as time passed, although my love remained, that uneasy feeling grew. In fact, it grew so much, that I couldn’t push it back anymore.

A year ago was when I started realizing that I was becoming more unhappy. It just didn’t feel right sometimes, and I couldn’t figure out what exactly it was. There were magical days, but there were also devastating days. He would say things, and I would wonder, “Why would he say that to me?” but I brushed it off. I kept silent. I didn’t want to lose him and his love for me.

As college started, the feeling grew. I found myself more unhappy than I had ever been with him—I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. One day, I found myself lost and in tears. I prayed to God and I asked him for a sign, to show me if I should be in this relationship or not.

One hour later, I got a direct message from a girl. It said:

“I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I would want to know if my boyfriend cheated on me, so please text this number."

Want to know the craziest thing? Above and beyond feeling the immense pain, I felt a greater sense of relief, like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

It’s been 11 days since we have officially been broken up. And yes, It hurts. It hurts a lot. I wake up every day with a pit in my stomach, because for the first time in over two years, I am alone. Not completely alone of course, but my other half is missing.

I walk around campus constantly being reminded of him by the simplest of things. Where we used to eat, his favorite songs, what he used to say, wear, and do. Anything really, my mind finds a way to bring it back to him.

Heartbreak is exactly what it sounds like. I feel like my heart is shattered. I have little motivation to do my work and I cry, a lot. I'm not going to sugar coat it and say it's easy because it's not. Breaking up with him was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

The thing is, yes, I feel sad, and yes, it hurts. But for the first time in forever, I am hopeful for the future. I am optimistic about my life and what will come from this monumental battle.

I still think of him every day, but I know one day I will wake up and he won’t be on my mind.

And when that day comes, a new journey begins.