Last week, I went to therapy for the first time. Just in reading that first sentence some people will immediately jump to false conclusions. I must be crazy. Or I'm weak. Or I just want attention. None of these are true. Society has created this stigma around therapy and mental health. Too many people are afraid to seek help when they need it because they're worried about what people will say or how they will be labeled. There is absolutely nothing wrong with going to therapy or asking for help when needed.

I started experiencing episodes of depression around the end of my senior year of high school. I would get frequently sad for seemingly no reason. When I tried to talk to friends about it at the time, they would tell me I was just being dumb. I had nothing to be depressed about. I was graduating at the top of my class and I was going to a great university in the fall. I always seemed happy so that meant I always was, right? I started to think it was just be over-reacting and being hypersensitive because that's how people were making me feel. I didn't want to feel like a burden to people in my life, so I stopped talking about it. I went away to college and I got better. I was in a new environment surrounded by new people and the episodes seemed to stop. I was so grateful to be at this amazing school and I got involved in so many different things. I was too busy to be sad.

The next two semesters, however, I started falling again. I would try to pull myself out of it. Sometimes I could other times it was much harder. This past semester, I felt like I had hit a low point. I was blaming it on the sophomore slump. I told myself I would pull myself out of this funk just like all the other times. Only this time it seemed to last longer. I was getting down on myself and doubting everything. After finally talking to a few friends who experience depression themselves and my parents about the way I'd been feeling, I decided to talk to a professional. I had hesitated because I felt like I didn't have the right to classify what I was feeling as depression. I was telling myself people have it way worse than I do, so it was unwarranted for me to talk about depression. I felt like I was being ungrateful because I wasn't able to enjoy everything as much anymore.

I made an appointment with a school psychologist and it actually went very well. He said I did show symptoms of depression, but rather than feel terrified, it was kind of liberating. He said that depression is a spectrum, that it comes in all kinds of forms and severities, and that you should never discount your problems just because they don't seem as big as someone else's. He told me that I need to trust that people love and care about me, because that had been a big source of my discontent. Everything he said made me feel more comfortable and stronger, not crazier and weaker.

I hope anyone who experiences any kind of mental health issues will be able to reach out and talk to someone, because talking does really help. Even after just one session, I felt so much better about my situation and I look forward to going again. Therapy is not something to be ashamed of. There's nothing scarier than battling your own mind. Seeking help and advice is courageous, not disgraceful. It does not mean you are weak. It does not mean can't be happy. I am still insurmountably happy with my life and the people in it. I have started to trust that the people in my life love and care about me and I've learned to let go of the ones that walk out of my life. I am still the same person I always was. If anything, I am much happier being able to talk about these feelings and figure out ways to fight depression. My therapist told me one way to help pull myself out of a depression is to always remember the bigger picture and let the smaller things roll off me. Yes, that is easier said than done. But trust that it can be done. Trust yourself. That is the biggest thing that all of this has taught me. I still consider myself a very happy person, though sometimes I lose my way and there is no shame in that. There is nothing wrong with going to therapy. There is nothing wrong with admitting you struggle with mental health. Get the help you need and I promise you can start to get better. Believe in that. Believe in yourself.