I was raised to be independent. I took it heart. And I'll admit that my biggest flaw, well one of them, is not asking for help, even when I need it the most.
Not going to counseling for two years did more harm. I refused to admit I needed to see a therapist. My mental health is far from perfect. With everything I've been going through, I tried to keep silent and just power through it.
But eventually it got out of control and I didn't recognize the person starring back at me in the mirror. There are stigmas out there about counseling, and I believed them. I was afraid those closest to me would see me as weak, vulnerable, and crazy. After going to sessions and thinking about everything that has happened, I've finally come to terms that those stigmas are far from the truth.
It takes such courage to lay down your arms and ask for help. To realize you can't do this alone anymore. There's no shame in it. You have to do what's best for your psychical and mental health. And if that means taking medication and/or seeing a therapist, then that's what you gotta do. Our society has to stop making us believe that these are shameful and shouldn't be discussed.
But it needs to be discussed. It needs to be talked about. The public, our society, they need to hear it. They need to understand it. That it's okay to take medication. It's okay to seek counseling. It's okay to need help.
My other biggest flaw is putting on this mask, this strong front while I'm out, whether it be classes, rehearsals, or even hanging out with friends. I didn't want anyone, not one soul, to know what was truly going on in my head. It took me the longest time to fully understand that my friends would not leave me because they found out I have emotions. They found out I'm only human. I was terrified people would label me crazy or insane and have me comitted. Then my mental illness would be made public.
But none of that ever happened. Because my friends, my chosen family, they're the best support system one could ever ask for.
My battle with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts is constant. And I'm still dealing with the loss of a loved one. So I go to counseling. It's something I need. I start my sessions again in August, when i return to school. And for once, I can't wait to talk to my counselor. Because I know they can help me become the person who I can recognize starring back at me in the mirror.
