Everyone has experienced that moment of panic that comes with the realization that everything you know is about to change. For a girl like myself these "major changes" have so far included: wearing my first bra, being cast as a soprano after years of pride over my low alto voice, and boys (need I say more about that? We'll save them for another article!). At the time, each of these things made me feel like my entire world was collapsing, often creating quite the identity crisis. I can now say with full confidence that these are trivial matters compared to my most recent life change: college
Having moved from Alabama to New York City, I already knew that this would be a literal whole new world for me. I've never been one for socializing and, not knowing a single student at my new home, I was faced with the seemingly impossible task of being likable. A month into the process, I am now able to step back and assess the unbelievable success I've had with this dreaded social process. Thus I give you eight very simple tips on how to make friends in college.
1. Don't judge anyone based on their actions or appearance in the first two weeks. Sure, lots of crazy things happen and it might be fun to talk about the things people say and do, but nobody is really themselves in the beginning. Everyone else is just as worried about fitting in as you are and, depending on the situation, the worst in them might be brought out. Also remember that whatever you say about someone can always come back to them, creating an enemy before anyone has even had the chance to evaluate the real you. It's a two way issue!
2. Listen before you speak. You're going to have new information flying at you from every direction. Take it all in and give yourself time to think about it before you respond. In order to answer respectably, you should be fully aware of the implications and fact behind what you have heard, whether it is personal information, political opinions, or your roommate's thoughts on your favorite shirt.
3. Reach beyond your comfort zone. Comfort is sooo high school. You've likely spent the last twelve years falling into the same routine with the same surroundings and same people. Now is your chance to establish your own opinions on the rest of the world. For everything from bagels to parties to public transportation, there are experiences to be had and knowledge to be gained!
4. Get involved - Join choir, go to football games, audition for shows, chill in the common room and never eat alone!!! The more you do, the more people you know. Most likely, if you're meeting through extracurriculars, you already have something in common worth talking about. The worst possible outcome is that you know too many people and have to start making the very tough decision of whose lunch table you're going to sit at.
5. Talk to strangers. So there's only one other person on the elevator with you? You have about forty seconds to get acquainted and avoid future awkward elevator rides with the same person. Break the silence and talk to the person using the washer next to yours. Invite the people on your floor to sit and chat with you (you do have to live with them for at least the next year!). Other people are a lot nicer than you give them credit for and they'll probably just be happy that they no longer have to avoid eye contact when they are waiting in line next to you in the dining hall.
6. Everyone has an opinion and it's not your job to change it! Everyone you meet has had an entirely different life than you. Disagreement does not mean either person is wrong nor does it constitute as a compatibility test. If you meet someone who is your polar opposite, take advantage of it! Consider them your portal into another world.
7. Be yourself!!! I know, you've heard this a million times, but it is the #1 most important rule on this list!!!! If you're comfortable being yourself around everyone from the start, you don't have to worry about their opinions changing as you settle in later. People can see when you are being genuine and it is a very attractive quality; listening to words from the heart is much more interesting than the lies that you think make you more appealing.
8. Remember that everyone else is going through the same transition you are. Yes, you just ran your clothes through the dryer three times and the elevator stopped at every floor between you and the laundry room, but the person that just got on next to you just ate rice and beans for dinner for the fifth time this week because the dining hall has no other vegan options and the elevator skipped their floor twice before finally picking them up. The point is, adjusting is rough, people are emotional and college is inconvenient. Just remember that, if it happens to you, it's probably happened to other students as well. Laugh off the bad experiences and give everyone a free pass once in a while for being grumpy (you know you've been given a few)!
I know it's not the meaning of life or anything super profound, but this list has helped me survive what could have been the loneliest and most awkward month of my life! No, you can't be best friends with everyone, but you can at least give them a nice smile and a "hey, [insert name here]!" to brighten their morning. Everything is easier when you have people to go through it with. College is absolutely terrifying but I know that, in four years, I'm going to be looking back on this and laughing; it's just another trivial change in the grand scheme of life.
