Dear Grief,
It's truly been a long time coming. We've spent a lot of time together this past year, and the truth is I needed you. I needed to be with you this long to really see what I needed. To see what I deserved. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad. But it's over. This is my official break up.
I lost that person that was so close to me, not too long ago. You saw that, and you were there around the corner to be the shoulder I cry on. I spent ALOT of time crying to you. Telling you I missed the person that meant so much to me. To tell you the truth, I'm really glad you were there. Sometimes, I felt so empty I didn't really know what to feel. Anger? Denial? Depression? I felt it all, but I just named theose feelings after you. I just named them grief.
It all made sense at first. Everyone knew and expected I'd spend time with you. But you started dictating my life. You made me cry when no one was looking. You made my heart hurt so much. I'm not saying it was so bad all the time. Though so many times you showed up when I really didn't want you there. When I didn't ask you to come, you came anyway.
You made me not want to go out. You made me want to stay at home and just be with you. It wasn't always what I wanted to do, but it's all the energy I could muster up to do.
Oh! And you were so inconsistent. There for me every day after I lost my friend. Then you showed up less and less. There one day, gone the next.
If I'm being completely honest though, you weren't all bad. The terrible truth is, you showed me and taught me so much I never knew. You showed me that you love some people so so much that your heart hurts a little extra when their gone. And that's okay! You also taught me crying about it is just healing, not permanent brokenness. You taught me that life isn't forever and that I should be present in the moments I have now, with the people I have now. Most importantly, you taught me how to be stronger because of heartache.
I am stronger because of you. I am better because of you. I experience life more because of you. I can see why they sometimes say "good grief!"
Everyone told me before that you wouldn't be around forever, but I didn't believe them. I thought you would never leave. Now that I'm back on my feet, I'm happy to say I'm moving on.
Thanks for being there for me! I'm sure we'll be together again someday. I'm not looking foward to that, but I know it will only be a temporary run in. I feel sorry for whoever gets you next. I didn't love you, although I needed you. I don't anymore.
So this is it. It's time to part ways. Thanks for everything you showed me.
It's not you it's me. I've grown. It's time for me to move on. This is my official break up with you. I'm ready for more than this. I'm ready for something real. I'm ready to live. It's over.
Sincerely,
An old friend.
