To my best friend - my depression,
We've been pretty good buddies for about six years now. Over the years you've been studying me and you know my life to a T. You know when to strike at the worst moment and I am tired of it. You surprise me every single day and sometimes I don't know how to handle you. You have been my best friend for far too long and I am terrified you are going to consume my life. You have been by my side through it all - the boyfriends, best friends, family problems and even school. You were the one that came when I was huddled up in the corner hiding inside myself. We would spend every waking moment together. You were the best and worst part of me. You would leave me alone sometimes and I couldn't figure out how I felt about it but I guess everyone needs to be alone every once in a while. But I am taking a stand. I am calling quits. I am moving on.
My friends hate you and they always have. My parents never liked you either and would never approve of our relationship. Everyone wanted you out of my life. I went to the psychologist and started seeing them twice a week. That made you angry. You felt as if I was cheating on you and you could feel us start to fall apart. The more I saw them, the happier I got, and I knew you were starting to get out of my life for good.
The more I hung out with other people, the more I realized that you sucked the life out of me. I am starting to feel like myself again. My friends gave me purpose. They were the reason I got out of bed instead of staying in it cuddled up next to you. I started to realize that my heart was beating for a reason and I started to realize how weak you actually are. The happier I got, the less were in my life. I know you are still lurking in the background, waiting for me to come crawling back to you. I probably will someday, and it will hurt like hell. I will stay in bed with you and you will run your fingers down my face, telling me everything will be okay. You will be there for me because no one else will understand what goes on through my mind. But you do, and that’s why I have to let you go.
So if you're still reading, you might want to just delete my number and block me on Facebook. I don't need you to play music outside my window begging me to come back to you because you know I will. I've changed all the locks and I am refusing to give you a key. Please don't come back and please stop hitting on my friends. They don't want you either.
And no. I will not miss you. Not one bit.
Sincerely,
Rachael
