To All Of The Boys I've Loved Before
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Relationships

To All of the Boys I've Loved

You made me lose myself.

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broken heart on string
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You told me you dated me so I wouldn't kill myself.

You told me you didn't want to date me anymore because I refused to have sex with you.

You told me I was "too much".

You told me I wasn't pretty enough to be seen with you.

You told me I was clearly unlovable because my father didn't love me and if he didn't, no one would.

You told me I needed to wear different clothes.

You told me I was never going to be as smart as you.

You told me I was a dumb bitch.

You told me you'd kill yourself if I broke up with you.

You told me I thought too much of the little things.

You told me I deserved to be raped and then proceeded to tell me to get over it.

You told me I was a lowlife pathetic whore.

You told me not to post online because you didn't want to be seen with someone as ugly as me.

You told me that I was never going to get to college because only smart girls can do that.

You told me I was crazy.

You told me "there's probably a good reason you don't want to be alive anymore. What is it, your daddy doesn't love you?"

You told me I had to fill out an application to even be seen with you.

You told me "if you think you're pretty, you may want to check twice."

You told me "I can see why everybody leaves you, including your own family."

You told me I would never be enough for anyone.

You told me I was useless.

You told me "You'll end up getting pregnant at 19 and having to drop out of college because the father will leave you and I'd just be sitting back laughing at you."

You told me to go ahead and kill myself.

You told me I belonged to you.

You told me I was the one to blame.

You told me I was the one who left you when you needed me the most.

You told me that the first time you put your hands on me was going to be the last time.

You told me I was a bitch after I had to call the police because you tried to kill yourself over me trying to break up with you.

You told me "If you need another break from me, make this one a permanent one and die."

You told me I should never have kids because I would ruin their lives.

You told me I needed to lose weight.

You told me that the adults I've gotten close to in college are only around me because to them I'm no one, only a liability.

You told me that I was going to drop out of college, that I was never going to graduate.

You told me that every man I ever meet, no matter who they are, will beat me and hate me because I was that unlovable.

To all of the boys I've loved before, you have hurt me more than I've been able to share until this moment. You have made me lose faith in ever getting in a relationship again and in ever having children. You have reminded me that maybe all men are meant to hurt me...that maybe I was never meant to be loved.

To all of the boys I've loved before, you have made me lose the love I used to have for myself. You have made me spend too long getting ready for fear that I don't look good enough. You have made me lose sleep because of my worries about an outfit. You have made me isolate myself because I believe I am meant to always be alone. You have given me nightmares.

To all of the boys I've loved before, you have made me lose faith. You have encouraged my failure. You have disregarded my existence and have only further pushed me into the hole I started digging for myself a long time ago.

To all of the boys I've loved before, you have made me hate myself.

Because of you I am never going to be enough. I am insecure. I am faithless. I am sad. Because of you I am lost and because of you, I'm not sure I want to be found.

To all of the boys I've loved before…

I'm sorry I ever listened.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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