“Boys will be boys” is a timeless phrase that has been used as an excuse for boys’ bad behavior. The little girl I babysit is having trouble with a boy at school. He told her he was going to shoot her with a Nerf gun if she didn’t marry him. I asked her why she hasn’t told the teacher and she told me, “Well, it’s because he likes me.” Now this angers me because no girl at such a young age should ever have to conform to society’s belief that this is just his way of showing affection. She will be told, “boys will be boys” and have to deal with it because that’s what we’ve all been taught. That’s the way boys are and that’s what they do, right? Think back to the times when you’ve been told: “boys will be boys.”
You’re in third grade and trying to deal with that boy who makes fun of you, pulls your pigtails in the lunch line, and chases you around and pushes you on the playground. Your friends or older siblings assure you that it “just means he likes you” and he only does this stuff because “boys will be boys.”
You’re 13 and entering the realm of the teenage years. Thirteen means the awkwardness of braces, hairstyles, and first dates. At the movies, he goes in for a kiss and he slobbers on your face. You back away uncomfortably. He calls you a prude and you don’t even know what that means. He continues to tease you until you can feel your self-esteem diminishing. He gives you so many reasons to want to get away, but later he texts you: “don’t be mad. ILY” and that somehow makes up for the name calling and rude remarks because “boys will be boys.”
You’re 16 and life is sweet as can be. You’re in high school; you have a good group of friends and a boyfriend. One day, he is fed up with the pace of your relationship. He wants more. And he wants it now. You have your first fight because you’re not ready for anything else yet. He hits you and you cry, but he says: “Stop, stop, I love you. I just got angry,” and his valued reputation, toned body, and fake promises make you love him again and help you to believe it’s OK because “boys will be boys.”
“Boys will be boys” is sending the wrong message to girls and women. It's by far the lamest excuse in the book. This saying is teaching girls that it’s just part of boys’ nature to push them on the playground, pull their pigtails, yell, be aggressive, hit, rape. To boys, it's all fun and games until their egos get hurt. Boys laugh at what they put girls through, but they won't think it's funny when they're wiping the tears off their daughters' face for the same exact reason. With all the news circulating around the Brock Turner rape case and his father defending his “20 minutes of action” because he believes “boys will be boys,” I am appalled. So it's about time we raise our expectations. Instead of defending the actions of boys and letting them do whatever the hell they want, let’s expect more of them. Let's teach little boys how to be men because real men don’t hurt women.
