To the boyfriends who never were,
Many of you shouldn't have been boyfriends, and I realized that very quickly; however, there are a few of you who genuinely hurt me, and for a time, I was just left confused and hurt. What did I do wrong?
To boys who were wrong for me in so many different ways, thank you for making it easy to actually evaluate myself and realize what I wanted in someone; you were just not it. It started out cool, texting hanging out every now and then. Then, I realized the conversation was forced and meaningless, we spent more time on our phones than anything else, and I'm not sure we were even attracted to each other. We differed on too many things, and while I appreciated getting to know you, I am glad we didn't force something anymore beyond what we already had. I hope you all find happiness, it just will definitely not be with me.
To boyfriends who truly never were, well, that situation runs a little bit deeper. In our generation where talking, dating, being in a relationship and being "a thing," all mean different things to different people, it doesn't make life or romance any easier. We "talked" briefly, and it burned bright with promise, but life or circumstance just got in the way. Or, we were "a thing" on and off again for a long time, but you could just never commit. Or, you wanted to "keep things the same," which is code for you probably were talking to other girls and didn't want to give up the thrill and attention. Regardless of the reason, I thought you boys were maybe boyfriend material, and it turned out I was wrong and got hurt in the process.
To the boys who couldn't commit, you made me feel unworthy at best, worthless at worst. I would lay in bed and wonder what I did to deserve being kept a secret. Why couldn't you just realize it was unfair to keep dragging me along? Most importantly, you often told me you loved me, which is the most unfair thing you can do to a girl because we will actually believe you. I invested way too much time in people who clearly didn't have my best interest or even care about me really all because they said those three little words. My friends always knew when you weren't right (which was almost every time), but I didn't listen. It was so good at the start, maybe it would get better. I stayed in situations that left my heart in limbo, begging for you to solidify my feelings you swore you felt, too. I'm asking you not to put other girls' hearts in limbo like you did to mine. Sometimes life takes control, and I understand sometimes there is nothing we can do, but don't hold "life" accountable for your actions.
Tell her the truth, tell us all the truth. In the end, all you do is mess us up for the next one who comes around because you built our walls up higher and higher until no one will able to get in again. Don't make promises you can't keep, and don't say things you don't mean. I know I'm not the only girl to have gone through this, and unfortunately, I doubt it will end anytime soon. If you think he isn't right, if he won't commit, if you're not his focus, move on. Life is too short to waste time on the boys who are constantly saying maybe, we'll see and I don't want to change things.
To my boyfriends who never were, please don't waste a girl's time like you did mine. Everyone deserves to truly happy with someone that is passionate about just them, even you.
All the best in life,
Your girlfriend who never was.
