To the man who cheated on me,

Your charisma and sweet words drug me in like a pig going to slaughter; I had no clue what was to come. I was high on this quick forming love and I never wanted to come down. Finally, I found someone who found me beautiful and made me feel the worth that I thought I never had. You made me feel as if all of the heartbreak in the past was worth it. You made me feel as if I finally could be myself and look forward to having a future with someone. You made me feel on top of the world.

But the world does not work like that. Life has a cruel way of bringing you up and then tearing you down until you have nothing left inside of you. I thought I was doing everything right. I placed my life on hold for you. I traveled across the country just so I could see you. I made our 17-hour long distance relationship work because I thought you were worth it. I put so much effort in you, that I did not have room to put effort into myself. All I cared about was your happiness and wellbeing because in the end, that is what made me happy. I wanted to prove the world wrong, I wanted to prove that we COULD make long distance work because if someone truly loves another, then distance should not matter. I should have listened to the world.

When they say to trust your gut, they are not wrong. It started off as minute actions that were raising red flags as quick as the blink of an eye. I understood you when you said you wanted to "take things slow." I gave you the benefit of the doubt and thought to myself, "wow this is a true man, he wants to wait and see if I am the right one for him." When I finally flew down to see you after months of being apart, I thought I was on top of the world. I got to spend a whole week with the person I love, uninterrupted. I should have noticed all of the red flags on that short week-long getaway.

During that time, I learned that cheating is so normal where you are. Men are cheating on their girlfriends and wives so nonchalantly and everyone helps them cover it up. But I knew you were different. How could someone so full of love do something like that? But things quickly changed. I learned that you were texting an unsaved number on your laptop and deliberately covering up the messages so that I was unable to see. I learned that "I was crazy" for thinking that you had something to hide. I learned that it was not okay to ask you what those messages were about, even though I caught you red-handed just a month ago calling another girl beautiful. I learned that I was "too needy" when I asked if we could go out to buy ice cream and have a movie marathon. I learned that you deleted any comment that I placed on your social media because you "just don't like comments on your pictures." I learned that it was okay for other people to post on your social media, but just not me. I learned that you actually had the capability to say to my face that you lied about actually loving me. I learned that my feelings were not important, what was important was that I had to do everything in your favor.

Our normal conversations turned into three texts a day, barely having room to ask how your day went. I know you are busy, so I let it slide. Those three texts a day turned into you ignoring my texts and calls, but then randomly saying hello and never texting back for the night. I was blinded by the smallest high, that I could not even recognize the never-ending lows. I wanted to make this work, I wanted to be the person that you could lean on in tough times; I wanted to be the person who would go through hell and back just to put a smile on your face. Sadly, there was another girl filling that void.

Even though I had the title of being your girlfriend, that did not stop you from pursuing others. I bet you charmed them with your chivalry and blue eyes, just the way you reeled me in. When I found out that you cheated on me, my world went numb. Even though I went through so much heart ache in our relationship already, this was a like a stab to an open wound. The part that hurt the most is that you did not seem to give a single care in the world for what you did. I received no text back, no call, no remorse, and no explanation. You dropped me as if I was nonexistent. But this is the part where you went wrong.

I am existent. I am worth it. And damn did you lose someone great. You will be lucky to cross paths with a girl like me. Try to find someone who will travel 17 hours across the country, and put her life on hold, just to spend some time with you. Try to find someone who will miss out on going out with friends just so they could have a 30 minutes FaceTime conversation with you. Try to find someone that was willing to give you the world and only cared about making you happy. Try to find someone that would always give you the benefit of the doubt and give you unlimited second chances. Try to find someone who had the capability to love you as much as I did.

Lastly though, I just wanted to thank you. Thank you for making me a stronger woman. Thank you for showing me what a toxic relationship looks like, so I never have to go through one again. Thank you for bringing me closer to my friends and to God through this heart ache. Thank you for forcing me to better myself. And finally, thank you for allowing me to give myself the love I deserve.

I would wish you the best, but you already had it.

Sincerely,

The woman you do not deserve