Listen - it's midnight. Of course, I'm going to say some questionable things. Things I might regret in the morning, forget I said, or not agree with the next day. I'm not going to say that I disagree with those things exactly, or that there was no truth behind them, but what I am saying is that I am at midnight is not the me I am at 7 a.m. or even 11 a.m.- even 2:30 pm. It's like my thoughts get altered, and I laugh at everything- so I get giddy and tired and sleepy and I'm just all around in a funny mood.

So, do not be surprised the next day when I'm acting differently. Tip, just ignore me after midnight. Don't take anything I say seriously. In fact, literally, never take anything I say seriously.

Because seriously, I'm a teenager and my thoughts are all over the place. I know it's ridiculous, maybe it's not even healthy, but honestly, my thoughts, emotions, and my sense of self-identification just change up so much- I hope that's just a teenager thing and it will be gone before I know it!

But, back to what I was saying. I've never been in a relationship ever. I don't know how it all works, I don't know how any of this works. And I apologize for that. Generally, I'm not that serious of a person, well that is unless it comes to my grades or my sports. But overall, I don't take much seriously and I often find myself saying things that I don't really mean or things that I maybe wish that I could take back the minute I say them.

So, like, when I say that I really like you - or that I want to date you, don't believe me. Because here's what happens.

I think to myself, dang, I really like this boy! And I'm happy. But next thing you know, I'm overthinking - like I do with everything. I'm like, hold up, maybe he's not the right person for me. I don't know what it feels like to be in love, and I just don't think that I am. I don't think that I'm ready. Was that perfect? I really don't think so.

When it comes to me, I can be indecisive, anxious, nervous, and I can do annoying things. I cancel things because I'm too nervous: not go to the lunch room without somebody holding my hand and wait an hour to text back so I can avoid a situation long as possible. I can be so frustrating and I totally acknowledge that.

Not only that, but I am so busy. And I'm being real, not just avoiding you. If I'm not studying, I'm running. I'm working out. If I'm not at a sporting event, I'm working so I can buy myself a car. If I'm not doing any of these, well, then honestly, I'm most definitely with my girlfriends at the mall or a sleepover. But even these times are hard to come by because like I said, I'm a busy, independent woman. I'm always working or grinding in some way.

I like to think that I'm independent. So, If I seem to be content in doing my own thing, just let me. Because chances are, if you come too close, I'm going to freak out, go into a full panic mode, and use my defense mechanism of totally ignoring all my problems and things that scare me.

Odds are you're not being clingy - you're just being normal. But if you do something cute or sweet, it will probably scare me just because I've never really known anything like it before.

And you should know that. If you think you did something wrong, forget that, because you really, truly did not. This is just me. I wish it wasn't. I can't explain it.

Maybe this is how I feel just because I haven't met the perfect guy. Or maybe I just overthink way too much. Maybe there is someone out there who will make me feel differently when it comes to love. But for now, I'm young, I'm focused, I'm growing, and I'm trying to work through this. And I'm confused. I'm really confused, indecisive, and maybe I'm immature too. But, also, I'm sixteen.

I'm sixteen, and maybe I need to accept that it's okay to feel like this. It's alright to not know what you want, or if you're ready for anything serious. And, you know what, It's okay to not be ready and to not want something serious. Because face it, I have got my whole entire life spread out in front of me. I don't need to know exactly what I want quite yet. I don't even know who I am yet. I'm still struggling and deciding how to be the best version of myself.

I'm struggling, but that's what being a teenager is all about. Growing, learning, loving, and living.

Maybe when I finally figure out who I am, maybe that's when I'll decide what I want. Until then, be patient with me. I'm still learning.