There’s so much I blame you for in my life. You changed who I was, you changed the very core of who I am. Because of you, I hated myself. I truly believed what you said to me. I truly believed I wasn't good enough. I truly believed that no one would ever love me. You put hateful lies into my head just for fun. It was always a game for you and I played along. You sucked me right in. You sucked me into the point where I couldn't escape. You twisted and turned and made me believe I needed you and that you needed me. That you were someone who needed saving or fixing. You told me I was nothing without you. That I would be miserable without you. You made me believe you loved me and cared for me. That your outbursts were just out of stress. The stress of life and the stress of the thought of losing me. When in reality you just needed another pawn for your sick twisted game of satisfaction. There are some things in life that I'll never understand, most of them include math and science, but at the top of my list is you. How you could hurt someone you claimed to care so much for exceeds my understanding.
But it has come the time where I stop blaming you and start blaming myself. You no longer have power in my life. I refuse to believe what you said about me. I'm finding my way and will continue to with or without you in my life. You will no longer make me feel bad about myself. You have forfeited your place in my heart and I'm completely okay with that. Months ago I would have been a wreck at the thought of losing you. Now I know it's for the best. Everything happens for a reason. I saw so much of my life with you. And now there's nothing and that's okay. You came into my life to teach me what I needed. I now know it isn't you and that statement is freeing. There's so much I'd still like to say to you. So many questions to ask you, so much yelling to do. But I'm beyond that. Because of you, I'm a stronger person and nothing you could ever do, or say to me, or say about me could change that. I am so much more in touch with who I am. I will never change myself to be what a boy needs from me. When all is said and done there will always be a piece of me that loves you. But that's not you. I fell in love with the potential I saw, and the potential I saw in our relationship. But, sometimes things don’t turn out the way we thought that they would. I know this now. I can finally say I’m okay.
sincerely,
better off without you
