You left, you’re the one who dropped everything. You’re the one who tells me you love me to just to leave two weeks later. You’re the one who left me clueless, alone, and broke. YOU’RE the one. Not me.
I was so young in comparison to you, I was naive. When you first came into my life I pushed and fought to not like you for a few months before I finally gave in and agreed to see you. You were sweet, you kept me on a high. My first ever love high, the one you read about. The one you dream about. Everything was so... right. I wish I would’ve known then how wrong everything really was.
I was warned by so many, too.
There was more than just a bond there, there was passion. At least I thought there was. Maybe It was just me the whole time though, an illusion I created with my own self-felt passion. We made plans that in the end we both knew would never happen. Made promises soon to be broken by life's hammer of self-righteousness. You met me and my best friends at dinner one night and took me home. They grilled you, threatened to hurt you if you hurt me. They didn’t like you, said something was off, something was just...off. I ignored them, I ignored everything.
I should’ve listened.
One day you came over, we went to the pool, we swam and laughed. Talked like there was nothing that could stop us. We swam around the pool together with my tiny body clutched to your chest, like a child experiencing the cold water for the first time. But you didn’t mind. We swam around aimlessly, no real destination in sight. We just floated. When you had to go I begged you to stay, but your friends were waiting and you had promises to keep. So I walked you out, got to your car. We hugged, we kissed, and next thing I knew I was lifted to the trunk of your car clutching to you all over again. The moment grew thicker and the passion grew hotter, and that’s when you said the words I have never forgotten. Your forehead pressed to mine, hands gripping my waist.
“Would it be crazy if I said I loved you?”
“Yes, it would be.”
I still remember the way you said it.
We ended up having sex there, in that same parking lot in your car. The parking lot changed after, the pavement brighter, the air thicker, the sight sweeter. Even to this day it’s a good place, a happy place, But, I can’t even drive around town anymore without remembering we went there, and there, and there. A parking lot, a Subway, A Cold Stone. Remember when you sang BackStreet Boys at the top of your lungs on the highway?
I do, I had never seen a sight sweeter.
I left for a week, I went on a cruise after you dropped love in the equation. I had time to think, I had time to relax, and I had time to realize I was falling in love with you too. I came home eager, and ready to tell you but I never did. Because by then you were already gone. And I was left with empty words.
Now you’re back, a year later you’re back. But you don’t get to come back, you don’t get to pretend like everything you did was fine and like everything I did never mattered. You don’t get to leave me, crying on a garage floor, wounded, just to fucking turn right back around a year later and pretend like it never happened. You say you don’t deserve my time, you say you don’t even know what you were thinking texting me. And you know what? You don’t. You don’t even deserve my thoughts but I’m giving them to you anyway. And you know why? Because I am angry. To this day I am still angry you abandoned something so frail. You had your chance, you had your one and only chance. But I know the truth, and I won’t let you crawl back in.
