Thank you. I truly and genuinely mean that. Thank you for teaching me more about myself than anyone else ever has.
At the blind eyed, hopeful age of 19, you were the first boy I ever truly began to fall in love with. You were handsome, witty and could actually hold an intelligent conversation seemingly unlike most other boys that age. For a long time, I really thought you were perfect. Now two years later, through all of our ups and downs, older and wiser I can finally see our relationship for what it really was; misplaced hope and a source of security.
I wanted you to be my Prince Charming, the start of my happily ever after. You wanted and needed someone there to make sure you feel better and keep you from feeling like you were all alone. Ultimately, it didn't work.
Let me make this clear, I don't hate you. I don't think I could ever hate you even if I tried. You have this uncanny ability to make everyone around you laugh and smile, even if you were the reason they were frustrated in the first place. You're much smarter than you give yourself credit for and you're that person people want to call when there's an emergency. Even though you'll try to disagree you just have this way of making almost everyone you ever meet fall in love with you. (Trust me, I know this one from personal experience.)
Sure, you weren't without your flaws. You can be rude, hurtful, unattached, unemotional and self-centered at times. But at least you know this, I mean it's practically the whole reason you ended things anyway.
You weren't ready.
You needed to be on your own first.
You had to figure out who you were and who you wanted to be as a man.
After every single thing we had been through together, after I was the one to pick up the pieces and help stitch you back together time after time, after I saw your potential and pushed you to be the man I knew you could be, after every single little thing I let you put me through for so long, you still weren't ready.
You weren't cruel, you tried to make things easy on me. You said you'd always be there, that you'd always care, that we could still be friends. You didn't promise too much but before you walked out the door the last time you said: "Maybe down the road we'll find our way back here."
But I can't wait around for maybe. I can't keep waiting for you to get your shit together. I can't put my whole life on hold for someone who isn't putting in the same amount of caring and effort that I am because that isn't fair to me. And for making me realize that, thank you.
Thank you for showing me exactly what I want; someone who cares about me the way I care about them. Thank you for showing me what an equal relationship doesn't look like and the red flags I should look out for. Without even knowing it you helped me realize my own self-worth and what I truly deserve. Thank you.
Who knows, maybe you're right, maybe years down the line we will find our way back together. If not, I hope over time you grow into a man you truly are proud of being. I hope you find out who you really are and are happy with that the way you should be. I hope one day the absolute most perfect girl in the world comes along for you. I hope she sees you past your flaws and your past and loves you despite them. I hope she can be everything for you that you need, the woman that I so desperately used to want to be but ultimately couldn't. And more importantly, I hope you love her with everything you have and that you'll finally be ready for her.
Wishing you nothing but the best,
the woman who couldn't wait for you any longer.