To The Boy Who Wasn't Ready For Me, Thank You

To The Boy Who Wasn't Ready For Me, Thank You

I still call you a boy because I have yet to see you become a man.
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Thank you. I truly and genuinely mean that. Thank you for teaching me more about myself than anyone else ever has.

At the blind eyed, hopeful age of 19, you were the first boy I ever truly began to fall in love with. You were handsome, witty and could actually hold an intelligent conversation seemingly unlike most other boys that age. For a long time, I really thought you were perfect. Now two years later, through all of our ups and downs, older and wiser I can finally see our relationship for what it really was; misplaced hope and a source of security.

I wanted you to be my Prince Charming, the start of my happily ever after. You wanted and needed someone there to make sure you feel better and keep you from feeling like you were all alone. Ultimately, it didn't work.

Let me make this clear, I don't hate you. I don't think I could ever hate you even if I tried. You have this uncanny ability to make everyone around you laugh and smile, even if you were the reason they were frustrated in the first place. You're much smarter than you give yourself credit for and you're that person people want to call when there's an emergency. Even though you'll try to disagree you just have this way of making almost everyone you ever meet fall in love with you. (Trust me, I know this one from personal experience.)

Sure, you weren't without your flaws. You can be rude, hurtful, unattached, unemotional and self-centered at times. But at least you know this, I mean it's practically the whole reason you ended things anyway.

You weren't ready.

You needed to be on your own first.

You had to figure out who you were and who you wanted to be as a man.

After every single thing we had been through together, after I was the one to pick up the pieces and help stitch you back together time after time, after I saw your potential and pushed you to be the man I knew you could be, after every single little thing I let you put me through for so long, you still weren't ready.

You weren't cruel, you tried to make things easy on me. You said you'd always be there, that you'd always care, that we could still be friends. You didn't promise too much but before you walked out the door the last time you said: "Maybe down the road we'll find our way back here."

Maybe.

But I can't wait around for maybe. I can't keep waiting for you to get your shit together. I can't put my whole life on hold for someone who isn't putting in the same amount of caring and effort that I am because that isn't fair to me. And for making me realize that, thank you.

Thank you for showing me exactly what I want; someone who cares about me the way I care about them. Thank you for showing me what an equal relationship doesn't look like and the red flags I should look out for. Without even knowing it you helped me realize my own self-worth and what I truly deserve. Thank you.

Who knows, maybe you're right, maybe years down the line we will find our way back together. If not, I hope over time you grow into a man you truly are proud of being. I hope you find out who you really are and are happy with that the way you should be. I hope one day the absolute most perfect girl in the world comes along for you. I hope she sees you past your flaws and your past and loves you despite them. I hope she can be everything for you that you need, the woman that I so desperately used to want to be but ultimately couldn't. And more importantly, I hope you love her with everything you have and that you'll finally be ready for her.

Wishing you nothing but the best,

the woman who couldn't wait for you any longer.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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Want To Be A Better Boyfriend? Try These 5 Tricks

4. Listen to her.

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Some days, it seems like girlfriends are constantly asking for more, and while they may be annoying, there are a few simple ways to stop her nagging and win her praise.

1. Pay attention to her.

I promise you, she is dropping hints every day. These may sound like "Awh, look at all the pretty flowers" or "I haven't been to Boba House in so long!"

2. Plan dates. 

Text her while she is at school or work, and tell her to be ready when you get home or by a certain time. Give her an idea of how dressed up she should be, but don't tell her where you're going. Then, take her to her favorite restaurant, one she's mentioned lately, or to a new movie she'd been looking forward to!

3. Pick up small gifts for her.

This doesn't have to be anything expensive, but next time you're at the grocery store pick up her favorite candy, or a small flower bouquet. Just something little that will show her you were thinking of her when you weren't together.

4. Listen to her. 

Ask about her day, and when she tells you what Sarah did at work, ask her the next day or a few days later if things got better. Take interest in her life and remind her occasionally refer back to old topics to prove you do listen.

5. Get her involved in your interests.

It doesn't all have to be about her! Ask her to watch the game with you, or to go out with you to hang with your friends. She wants to be just as involved in your life as she wants you to be involved in hers!

At the end of the day, every relationship is different. Take this advice as vaguely as needed, and learn your partner and what they expect from you! Happy dating! :)

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I Wasted 8 Months Of My Life On A Boy Who Didn't Care So You Don't Have To

Learn from me, ladies.

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Let's be honest with ourselves: Endings suck.

The end of friendships, relationships, and other emotional ties is almost never a clean break, no matter how hard you try to make it one. Once things end, you start trying to figure out where things went wrong.

Was it you? Was it them? Could you have fixed it?

The simple answer to all of those is no. It's no one's fault, and no amount of make-up sex or talking it out could have fixed it.

The messy answer, however, is yes. Sometimes someone is to blame. Sometimes we're dumb enough to think talking and sex and whatever else can fix it. I said no was the simple answer, remember?

Let me tell you a little story. I spent eight months of my life developing feelings for a boy. I use the term boy in all seriousness because no man would let something like this carry on for so long. I was envisioning a future with this guy, planning it in the solace of my own space, making jokes to him about how I couldn't wait to graduate college to begin this life, wherever it may take us. I had my qualms and little moments where things seemed off, but we'd spend the night together and then suddenly, quickly, things were perfect again.

Was it because I was physical with him that things would go from mediocre to perfect? Yes. Was I smart enough to figure that out before it was too late? No.

This carried on for a while because I let it. He would go days without speaking to me, which carried into weeks, and I would allow him to continue the cycle because I would come back every time, more eager than before. He made me happy. When things were good, they were good. That was enough.

I looked passed all the bullshit for a few good evenings here and there for eight months. When things came to an abrupt halt, he put the blame on me for pushing him into something he wasn't ready for.

Now, let's talk about my mistakes:

Should it have been red flag number one that he wouldn't make time for me except at night? Yes.

Should I have felt that any of the bad emotional experiences that happened were my fault? No.

Did I care for him so much that I stupidly looked beyond all of the bad stuff? Yes.

From one girl to another, don't make the mistakes I did. The right guy won't let things go on for months only to hurt you in the end. The right guy won't give you a few good moments amongst times of questioning everything. Instead, while every moment won't be happy and serene, the majority of them will.

If you spend more time worrying about fitting into the mold he wants you to be instead of being yourself, he's not the one.

If he acts like he doesn't care, he doesn't care.

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