Dear boy who didn't love me back,

Hi. You probably remember me.

Because just a few months ago, you were mine. I was yours. We were us.

But now we're here, and all I know now is exactly what was filling my mind during this time a couple months ago. I knew you didn't care and I knew you had no intention of caring.

But I didn't know why. I didn't understand.

I didn't understand why you didn't feel the desire to love the girl that was all about you. I didn't understand why instead of cherishing her, you fell in love with the idea of someone else.

Finding out that I wasn't the only one you loved had me aching from the inside out, and realizing that you were hiding behind lies was like reaching in and pulling out the knife in my heart. I gave you my entire heart and you left me bleeding.

Two months ago I had no idea this is where we would be. I didn't know that my future would be full of sleepless nights and tearful days. I didn't know that instead of calling you mine forever, I would have to say that I no longer existed in what was once our life.

Do you understand what it's like to love someone who doesn't love you back? Do you realize what you did? Do you realize that begging someone to love you is emotional suicide?

I don't think you do, because if you did you would have treated me differently.

Begging to be loved by you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Waiting around for you to text or even call, while being miles away, was sometimes like waiting for Christmas snow to fall on a warm day. It's like waiting for the rain to hit the grass during a drought. It just doesn't happen, and when it does, it's a big surprise.

I gave my everything to you. I gave all my efforts, love, care, and supplication, but my stupid little brain couldn't come to terms with the fact that you just didn't care. I tried justifying everything for you. You were busy, my bad.

She was tempting, I understand.

Instead of constantly justifying your behavior, maybe I needed to come to the terms that I deserved better. I deserved someone who didn't treat me like an option. I deserved someone who chose me, and only me. I deserve a yes, not a "maybe later".

My dad once told me that a man's effort is a reflection of how he sees you. What he does and how he treats you is how he feels about you. There's no exception to this rule, but for some reason, I made excuses for you.

I guess I just wanted you to care.

I wanted you to see me the way I saw you.

I wanted you fight for me.

Some people come into our lives to stay, while others come into our lives to simply teach us a lesson. You were a lesson, and one I'll never forget.

So I'm definitely not going to sit here and beat myself up for loving you. Because I loved you so much, and I don't regret it. I don't regret my own love, because it was so raw and so real.

But I won't ever again settle for less than effort. I won't ever settle for someone who has wandering eyes. I won't ever settle for someone who constantly chooses her over me.

And, I definitely won't ever again be choosing the love I must beg for.

You may think I'm angry with you, or maybe that I even hate you. I don't. I'm actually here to thank you. Thank you for showing me what love is not. Because of you, I will someday find what love is.