November 4th, the day I was born. At Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland. 11:21, the time I was born. Seven pounds, seven ounces.
Blue eyes, two X chromosomes, spina bifida occulta: these are some things with which I was born.
Gay? Probably not.
So when, then, did I decide I was gay? When did I make that choice?
Those are the two options, are they not? Either you're born a certain way, or you choose it. I chose to pursue a degree in biology. I chose to go away to college, and then to come home. I chose to try a year as an art major, and I chose to study abroad in Peru. These are all things I have chosen to do.
On the contrary, when I consider more abstract characteristics that define who I am, I can't as easily think of the precise moment when I chose them. I'll devour anything covered in buffalo sauce. I'm obsessed with teal. I love contemporary art, cats, and iced Americanos with soy milk. But I don't feel a sense of choice when it comes to these things.
Similar to the never ending debate of nature versus nurture is the unanswered question of whether members of the LGBT community (I'm just going to say gay; consider it all-encompassing) were born gay. There are many who would say that gay people were not born gay, and that they chose their lifestyle. Others would argue that being gay is not a choice. Lady Gaga's song "Born This Way" heralds this message, the message that God made gay people gay, and is a song of empowerment for gays and other minorities.
"Born This Way" is more than a song, though. Since its 2011 release, "Born This Way" has evolved into a culture of its own. It has become a mantra for the gay community, printed on t-shirts, painted on pride parade banners, and tattooed on arms. "Born This Way" shouts, "we did not choose this; this is how we've always been," and demands the dismissal of all other scenarios. And in doing so, it unknowingly makes a mockery of itself.
In feeling the need to explain gayness as something one was born with, we have inadvertently classified it as something that requires an excuse. It is something that is unnatural. Something that needs to be explained. A birth defect. A mutation. The gay identity is weakened by "Born This Way" culture.
The concept of "Born This Way" excludes a large subset of people who may not have experienced same-sex attraction until later in life. It causes them to question the legitimacy of their sexuality. While there are without a doubt children who display gay tendencies at an early age, there are just as many who don't.
When I think of the first time I told my girlfriend I loved her, I don't remember a moment in which something overtook me, something I was born with and could not control. I remember a moment in which I felt very much in control. A moment in which I had never felt more like myself.
I don't want my sexuality to be a defect that requires an explanation. I don't want to have to apologize, to say, "I was born this way." In truth, it really doesn't matter. I make the choice every day to be gay in the same way that I choose to order wheat beers instead of IPAs. I choose to be gay in the way that I choose skinny jeans over flared jeans. My beer and denim preferences don't require etymological identification, and neither does my sexuality.
Whether you realized your sexuality early in life, or later on, remember that your identity is yours. It does not demand justification in order to maintain legitimacy. For me, choice is power. I choose a life full of self-improvement, teamwork, and support every single day. I choose happiness. I choose love. Most of all, I choose to be me.
