First, for those who don't know, I'll explain a little bit about borderline personality disorder (or BPD) as I have learned about it thus far. Basically, people with BPD have a horrible sense and fear of abandonment and will avoid it at all costs. They often, sometimes due to their fear, have unstable or rocky relationships with those around them. They regularly have an unclear sense of their selves, and the woman in the book I read reported not really knowing who she should be. This caused her to essentially be many different people based on who she was hanging around at the time. People with BPD often don't have a set sense of "self."

BPD often means people will self-harm or use other destructive coping strategies such as yelling, fighting, or even being destructive toward the world around them. They will have incredible mood swings, one moment being kind and cheerful and the next angry and destructive. Additionally, one of the mood swings regularly includes horrible lows, where the person could be depressed for long periods of time.

A book's title by Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus sums it up pretty well: "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me."

Here's why I'm NOT borderline (so don't go diagnosing me): I don't have mood swings unless I'm on my period. I don't have any type of depression. Finally, the dysregulation of emotions that characterizes BPD the most is not something that happens for me. I'm not borderline because I don't feel these emotions incredibly intensely, but I still have some of them.

While reading this book, "The Buddha and the Borderline," I really connected with some of the specific situations that she mentioned. I had already studied BPD and learned about the characteristics, but it is much easier to connect to these symptoms when you're hearing about specific things that someone went through.

In the book, she also talked about how it affected her family and friends, or at least how they tended to react to her tendencies. Not only did I identify with some of the tendencies she had, but this connection with her friends and family helped me realize what actions were truly toxic or damaging to others around me.

So, here's me identifying some of my toxic traits, with the hope that others will identify theirs as well and work to change, just as I will.

First, part of BPD is a shaky, ever-changing, and unsure personality. In the book, this happened for the author from relationship to relationship. She would change her appearances, likes, etc. based on who her partner was and what they liked. I kind of do the same thing.

One boyfriend liked sailing and the ocean, so I did all the research I could on the topic so I could wow him with my knowledge. He liked mellow music so, I only listened to that for a long period of time. Another boyfriend liked musicals, so I found myself obsessing over the newest ones. One was Republican, and I ALMOST truly considered changing my political orientation because I wanted so desperately for it to work out. I even considered finally adopting my dad's religion when a boy I liked was Jewish.

I found out one boy I was dating thought braids were hot, so I would do my hair like that when I knew I would see him. Another thought it was attractive when a girl's hair was wavy or wet, so I always showered right before I went to see him. My life revolved around what I thought the boy in my life would like the most at the time.

Though I still actually like my hair in braids, indie music, and musicals and find Judaism a wonderful part of my dad's life, I now realize that those things were pushed into my life by my constant wish to be loved.

And there's where my next realization came. Thinking about past relationships, I was devastated every single time my love wasn't reciprocated even the tiniest bit. I would cry for days and couldn't get over the guys for months or years at a time, no matter how long we had been together. On the other hand, though, I wouldn't tell them what was wrong or that anything was wrong to begin with. I blamed them for being horrible just because they weren't as attached to me as I was to them. I had a constant need to be reassured that I was cared about.

In my current relationship, I still have some of the same tendencies. He likes D&D and Avengers, so I began to get involved. Turns out, I actually really like both of those things. Unlike before, though, I'm not only being who I think he wants me to be. I let him know when I wanna go out dancing, when I think we need to have a serious conversation, or just when I'm feeling a little unloved (whether the feeling is reasonable or not).

Looking inside myself and really letting myself be real about my toxic characteristics has helped because now I know how to be effective in relationships and part of why none of them would ever work out. I also can stop being toxic to people around me, because even if I don't see it yet, I'm sure some of my toxic traits came out with them as well.

They say that the emotions people with BPD feel are not unusual, they are just more intense than the "normally functioning human." I think that's definitely true. Even though I see myself in the memoir, I'm not borderline, because everyone has those feelings from time to time, they just happen in me a little more often than they should.

And now that I've identified my toxic traits, I can do something to fix them, and I'm so thankful for the chance to better myself.

Look deeply and critically inside yourself. You might find something you never knew existed inside you.