Right now, the free-spirited, bohemian, modern hippie hipster appears to be at the very top of the social food chain. Who doesn’t want to be that girl with a flower crown at Coachella who somehow looks like she floats when she walks? However, achieving the paradox that is constructing a deliberately deconstructed identity is, as one might guess, complicated. You have to consider a lot of factors while simultaneously appearing to consider nothing at all—how will you force your hair to look windswept? How do you undo your clothes so they seem carefree yet purposeful? How do you achieve “organic” individuality when everyone else has that same exact goal in mind?
The worst thing you can do is nothing, but even that is second to doing too much. It’s a tricky business, this caring about seeming like you couldn’t care less. So, in order to help you along your journey to becoming a nonconforming, offbeat gypsy, here are five helpful tips:
1. Find an obscure obsession
The first step in developing your exotic identity is finding something you're interested in that virtually no one else cares about. Obviously, prioritize obscurity over personal interest. It doesn’t really matter if you genuinely are obsessed with 1976 Daimler Limousines, or the work of Ronald Dunbar. Just find the strangest person, object, or hobby you can, and become fixated on it. In the meantime, work your hardest to show others that you are well-equipped with pages of knowledge on said issue. Therefore, when they ask you a simple question, you can respond for ten minutes without taking a breath.
2. Discover your “underground”
Dig up that rare Almanacs record and throw it in that turntable you definitely didn’t buy at Urban Outfitters. Or discover your own band that no one has ever heard of. Being a “free-spirited” music listener essentially means avoiding anything you think anyone has ever listened to; that is to say, abandon the radio, Spotify, iTunes, or any medium that flirts with the dreaded (oh God, don’t even say it!) mainstream.
3. Ditch practicality
This step is absolutely crucial. Nothing about the bohemian wild child lifestyle is practical. Remember that turntable I referenced earlier? Get one. Antiquated record players are the epitome of impracticality, and therefore an undeniably necessary purchase. Quit taking pictures on your phone. A polaroid camera can do that for you, and the fact that the polaroid film is so expensive and there are no ways to put the pictures on your computer make it even more essential. To put it bluntly, the point is to be pointless.
4. Go green
Both in your all-natural vibe and also what you put on the counter. Get ready to spend some serious cash. You knew this was coming when I mentioned the word “polaroid.” The trick is to spend money on items you could just pluck off the ground (feathers to decorate your beautifully disheveled hair) or off the street (glasses without lenses, destroyed denim jeans). By buying things that seem like they should be free, it will feel like an even heavier financial loss, which is, as you probably know by now, the goal.
5. Share with the world
Question: if it’s not on your Snap story, did it ever really happen? Of course not! Broadcast your nonconformity to the world through popular media. Instagram is your best friend here. First, adorn yourself with ten necklaces (all featuring various shades of turquoise), twelve rings (yes, you’ll have to double up), and enough leather bracelets to reach your elbows. Cover the rest of your arms with metallic, temporary tattoos (channel your inner guest-at-a-third-grader’s-birthday-party here) and throw on your best pair of half-wedge/half-sandal-esque shoes (they must have a wooden heel). Wait until the sun has set just enough to give the trees a golden glow, but not enough so that the reflection off your skin will make you look pale. Gather your friends and trek to the very middle of your local forest. Now it’s your time to be selfish. Force your friends to take as many pictures of you leaning casually against a willow tree as they can, with at least seven featuring you brushing your hair off your face as you stare off into the world that you now rule as gypsy queen. Throw those pics up on IG and let your followers bask in your bohemian glory.
Congrats, you are officially an off-beat, free-spirit. Was it easy? No. Was it cheap? No. But was it worth it? Again, no. If it was worth it, everyone would do it, and that would defeat the exact purpose of doing it in the first place. But after going completely broke and only having eighty or so photos of yourself to show for it, you have finally reached the top of society’s totem pole. Your prize is a ticket to Coachella next year.
