As a young woman who's single in an age of hookup culture, I've gotta come out and say it: our view of relationships is CRAP, thanks to romance films today. I think many of us can attest to watching Nicholas Sparks movies and noticing that's definitely not how our high school days were or that there is not an ample supply of ruggedly handsome men banging at our door like in those flicks.
Finding a good man is hard and I'll be honest, I have high standards that haven't been met by the man of my dreams yet. I'll be straight with you, I am single with no foreseeable relationships in the near future, but I know one thing for sure: I certainly don't need the Christian Grey that our culture says is the optimal romance, I need a Boaz.
Christian Grey, the main male character in E.L. James' "50 Shades of Grey" is everything I absolutely do not want in a man. The book and movie franchises would have us believe that Grey is the picture of attraction, ease, and romance when that is not the case at all, and they also promote the absurd notion that women can always change their male partner into what they want them to be. In the end, Anastasia supposedly changes Christian for the better and he becomes a family man completely devoted to her. THIS IS UNREALISTIC PEOPLE. This is one reason why many women stay in abusive relationships, and "50 Shades of Grey" promotes that, whether it means to or not.
Here are some characteristics that should show you the Christian Grey in your story is NOT the man for you:
- He's fascinated by sadomasochism, which derives its strength from pain and fear. This fear shuts down the frontal cortex of the brain, or our "decision-making" sector.
- He knows the dark spots of the female psyche and exploits them for his benefit.
- He's cocky and allows his abused past to change him for the worse.
- He's easily influenced. In the book, Grey found out about Dominance and Sadism from a former employer and made that his persona in relationships. You need a man that won't be that easily swayed toward unhealthy things.
- He's enticing, not chivalrous or charming. Chivalry is not dead ladies and being charming can be great when used in a righteous way.
- He plays games. If you want something serious, steer clear of games; they only end in someone getting hurt and you being taken advantage of.
- An emotional blackmailer. Like I said before, Grey is no stranger to the deepest, darkest parts of the female psyche, and he uses fear and a woman's low self-esteem or confidence in herself to his advantage.
- He has the "alpha male" persona. Ladies, you need a partner, not a parent or boss.
- An actor. He plays the "damaged" card to get women. While I certainly care about your past experiences and struggles, don't use them as a tool to treat me like a conquest. Just don't.
- Completely unromantic. Pain and bondage isn't romance, it's insanity.
- Lastly, he's selfish, won't make sacrifices for you or the relationship, narcissistic, controlling, entitled, arrogant, and manipulative.
After all of that, can't you see why Christian Grey shouldn't be the man of your dreams or realities? Boaz is LOADS better at relationships.
You know, like the Boaz from the book of Ruth in the Old Testament of the Bible? If you're a woman who doesn't, you're in for a treat because he's a real catch.
Just a bit of backstory on the book of Ruth:
- It's set "during the time of the judges," (Ruth 1:1) a time of social and religious disorder when "everyone did whatever seemed right to him" (Judges 17:6).
- The book of Ruth opens with a famine throughout the land and ends with the birth of Obed, the grandfather of King David.
- It demonstrates how God shows His covenant faithfulness to His people.
The scoop on Ruth, the heroine and main character who gets the guy:
- Ruth was a widow who lost her husband and father-in-law in very close proximity to one another.
- She stayed with her mother-in-law, Naomi, after her husband's death, even though she didn't have to.
- Moved to a new town with Naomi to start over and went straight to work.
- Because of all of this, God blessed her by providing for her, bringing Boaz to her, and allowing her to be part of the lineage that would later produce King David (the one who slew Goliath) and the Son of Man (Jesus Christ)!
So, here's how Boaz compares (and surpasses) the type of man Christian Grey is:
- He's a prominent man of noble character (Ruth 2:1).
- He's responsible (Ruth 2:3).
- He is kind, even to those the rest of the world would deem "beneath him" (Ruth 2:4).
- He's perceptive and observant (Ruth 2:5). I think all of us want a man that remembers when we tell them something important or what we're interested in.
- He's a provider (Ruth 2:8) and a protector (2:9).
- He is an encourager and rewarding to those he cares for (Ruth 2:11). As women, we need encouragement in this thing called life. So many of us want to tear ourselves down more than we build ourselves up, and sometimes we need another person to foster that self-worth back in us before we remember all God says about us in His Word. God places people in our lives so that we can remind each other of His truths.
- He didn't have ulterior motives in blessing Ruth. Boaz didn't see Ruth that first day working in his field and think to himself, "I can totally score her and get her to do whatever I want." He wasn't even thinking about her in a romantic way at all. He picked up on her presence and hardworking nature first.
- He's friendly and inviting (Ruth 2:14).
- He's an honest man (Ruth 3:12-13). Boaz affirmed for Ruth that he was indeed a guardian-redeemer of her family, but was also truthful in letting her know that there was another man who was a guardian-redeemer of closer relation to her. Boaz knew that if the other man accepted Ruth, he wouldn't be able to marry her, but he told her about this other man anyways because her well-being and protection was more important to him than having his earthly desire satisfied by her.
- And he was a truly good and genuine man of God (Ruth 4:9-10).
I don't just want someone who satisfies my physical desires and only cares about me on a surface level or, maybe, not at all. I want a man of God that pursues me in a holy, righteous way and is so in tune with God that I know God is in him. I don't just deserve a man like that, I need and desire a man like that.
And we can't afford to waste our time or heart on anyone of less character than that. We deserve men that'll step up to the plate, make sacrifices, and lead us to be better women and servants of God. And those men deserve the same from us as well.
