How many times a day, or even in so little time as an hour, do we hesitantly say yes to something that we know we won’t be happy doing or just aren’t up for at the moment? How many times do we say yes out of fear that no will make the other person mad or not like us or include in something again? How many times do we say yes because we feel pressured or guilted into it? Now, think of this: How many times do we stand back for a moment and think about all the times that we refrain from saying no hurts us or makes us feel worse about ourselves?
I’m sure almost every person out there has felt this obligation to say yes at one point or another in their lives, even if it didn’t feel right. It is as though the human brain is wired to please everyone in any way we can, even if it running us ragged by sacrificing our time or making us feel worse about ourselves for doing something we really did not want to do or something that feels wrong in hindsight. From my viewpoint, it seems as though people are losing the definition of the word “no,” if not the word itself. That’s just not good.
In an extreme case, California has coined the phrase “yes means yes” in response to sexual assaults with blurry lines of whether the negatory term was stated. Many people have taken the phrase in a twisted form, saying that “no means yes.” This translate to every day requests much more innocent than assault but can ultimately have a mental effect along similar lines.
In cases where blurry lines aren’t the case in favors or requests or plans, the fear of what saying no will do is the case. I’m guilty of it, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. There have been many times, even in the last couple weeks, where I have hesitated before agreeing to something, and after I did, I crossed my fingers that the plans would fall through because I just wanted to take the easy way out to please someone. There have been times where all I’ve wanted to do is relax BY MYSELF, and the next minute I’ll find myself in a car on the way to a party or with a party of people magically appearing in my room, and while I love the people very much who ask me these things or “magically appear,” as I said, everyone needs their space sometimes. Everyone needs to do their own thing, solo once in awhile, or they might just go mad from all of the things they do, agree to, and volunteer with.
Don’t get me wrong, if you are laying in your bed one night in your pajamas with a cup of cocoa watching Netflix, calm as can be, and someone shoots you a text asking if you want to go out and your heart says yes, by all means, GO! Socialize, get out and mingle, have fun, meet people. Just because you are have “me time” doesn’t mean you have to give up everything else for that period of time.
I guess the point here is more so that you need to do things for you. Don’t do something only because someone else wants you to or you feel that you have to. Do it if YOU and only you want to.
If someone asks you to drive them to Sheetz at midnight and you have an 8 AM class, it’s okay to say no. When someone asks you to volunteer on a night where you’ve planned a self-help, much needed alone time Netflix binge night complete with every junk food known to man, it’s okay to say no. If someone asks you to change your plans last minute and go somewhere other than where you’ve already had your heart set on going, it’s okay to say no. It’s okay to do things for you sometimes, and no one can tell you different. People will understand, and those are the ones worth keeping around. And the ones who don’t? Who needs them, anyway?
