By Blaming Ariana Grande For Mac Miller, You Are Complicit In Anti-Woman Stereotypes

By Blaming Ariana Grande For Mac Miller, You Are Complicit In Anti-Woman Stereotypes

Women are not here to wither away under their partners toxicity and save them from their demons.


Behind every man, there is a great woman, or so the saying goes. I've been thinking a lot about that saying in the past few days. While the statement is meant to evoke empowerment and remind us of the women who stood on the sidelines throughout centuries, it also evokes something much darker; the idea that women puppet from the shadows and manipulate from the outside. (Even if it was because they had no other choice)

But I digress. I have been thinking about the saying a lot in the wake of Mac Miller's tragic death and the immediate smear campaign launched against his ex-girlfriend, Ariana Grande.

While I understand people are in pain and shock from the death and are attempting to seek out both understanding and blame for what seems like a senseless loss, these horrific attacks that have forced Grande to turn off her social media comments, reveal much about gender politics and it is not pretty.

While great women certainly have stood alongside great men for centuries and most certainly will continue to do so, there is a difference between lending a guiding hand and the sexist implication that these attacks on Ariana Grande reveal about American culture.

The logic is that Ariana should have stayed in the toxic relationship for the benefit of the man and that her leaving him was what lead to his death.

No woman (or romantic partner of any gender identity in any relationship) should be required to stay in a toxic relationship just to please the other partner, or to save them.

This has an especially vile twist when it comes to a cis-heterosexual relationship. Cis women are expected to be caretakers no matter the situation even if it puts her own mental and physical health at risk. This does not apply to only abuse but includes addiction the disease that Miller was suffering from.

No one is required to stay with anyone, platonic, romantic or familial to save them. That is not your responsibility in a romantic relationship. Standing by your partner's side and guiding them is different than carrying a burden that a psychologist should be carrying and chances are, you aren't a therapist.

When it comes down to it, the individual is ultimately responsible for their health, safety, and choices, not you. Saving people is not your job and in most cases, sets the "caretaker" partner back and negatively affects their health. No one has to stay in a relationship to be the savior.

Furthermore, the attacks on Ariana Grande are a reminder of pervasive sexism.

Women are either master manipulators or idiotic harlots, or the caretaker and are meant to save a man when he has the capability of making his own choices.

Ariana Grande leaving Mac Miller did not kill him, his mental illness and choices did. Women are not here to wither away under their partner's toxicity and save them from their demons. Ariana and many other women end up trapped in these situations because of this kind of thinking.

Women are human, the same as their partner and are more than entitled to see out their own happiness and safety, especially if it means leaving a damaging relationship.

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An Open Letter to the Person Who Still Uses the "R Word"

Your negative associations are slowly poisoning the true meaning of an incredibly beautiful, exclusive word.

What do you mean you didn't “mean it like that?" You said it.

People don't say things just for the hell of it. It has one definition. Merriam-Webster defines it as, "To be less advanced in mental, physical or social development than is usual for one's age."

So, when you were “retarded drunk" this past weekend, as you claim, were you diagnosed with a physical or mental disability?

When you called your friend “retarded," did you realize that you were actually falsely labeling them as handicapped?

Don't correct yourself with words like “stupid," “dumb," or “ignorant." when I call you out. Sharpen your vocabulary a little more and broaden your horizons, because I promise you that if people with disabilities could banish that word forever, they would.

Especially when people associate it with drunks, bad decisions, idiotic statements, their enemies and other meaningless issues. Oh trust me, they are way more than that.

I'm not quite sure if you have had your eyes opened as to what a disabled person is capable of, but let me go ahead and lay it out there for you. My best friend has Down Syndrome, and when I tell people that their initial reaction is, “Oh that is so nice of you! You are so selfless to hang out with her."

Well, thanks for the compliment, but she is a person. A living, breathing, normal girl who has feelings, friends, thousands of abilities, knowledge, and compassion out the wazoo.

She listens better than anyone I know, she gets more excited to see me than anyone I know, and she works harder at her hobbies, school, work, and sports than anyone I know. She attends a private school, is a member of the swim team, has won multiple events in the Special Olympics, is in the school choir, and could quite possibly be the most popular girl at her school!

So yes, I would love to take your compliment, but please realize that most people who are labeled as “disabled" are actually more “able" than normal people. I hang out with her because she is one of the people who has so effortlessly taught me simplicity, gratitude, strength, faith, passion, love, genuine happiness and so much more.

Speaking for the people who cannot defend themselves: choose a new word.

The trend has gone out of style, just like smoking cigarettes or not wearing your seat belt. It is poisonous, it is ignorant, and it is low class.

As I explained above, most people with disabilities are actually more capable than a normal human because of their advantageous ways of making peoples' days and unknowingly changing lives. Hang out with a handicapped person, even if it is just for a day. I can one hundred percent guarantee you will bite your tongue next time you go to use the term out of context.

Hopefully you at least think of my friend, who in my book is a hero, a champion and an overcomer. Don't use the “R Word". You are way too good for that. Stand up and correct someone today.

Cover Image Credit: Kaitlin Murray

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News Flash: 'Building The Wall' Is Still A Dumb Idea And Always Will Be

The government is still partially shutdown because of funding for the wall. Really?


A man who is a strong supporter of building the wall told me this metaphor: If you don't want the wrong people walking into your backyard, you put a fence up. We don't want the wrong people coming to America, so we put a wall up. I respect people's political beliefs, and because of this, I want to share mine.

I believe that President Trump demanding money to build a border wall is dumb.

It's hard to believe so many people really think that this "build a wall" has everything to do about border security. It's just inhumane and wrong.

Literally, the most notorious drug lord of Mexico has shed light about how he smuggles the drug into the U.S. They have brought it through fishing boats, trucks going through the legal point of entry, underground tunnel, but not through unwalled parts. The half of million pounds of narcotics that were secured at the border? They were all al legal points of entry.

I'm saying this because I am a proud daughter of immigrants who crossed the border. The media has portrayed immigrants as these horrible people infiltrating our country. They just want somewhere safe to live to raise their kid.

The conditions of Latin American countries are inexplicable. Communist have risen from the ashes dominating these countries letting people rot on the street starving. There are little to no job opportunities. I haven't seen my family in three years because it is dangerous to go.

The media doesn't tell you this. They don't tell you how many people have gone to the border and returned to Mexico because ICE agents tear gas them.

They tell you that they throw babies over fences to distract border patrol agents. They tell you children are dying because of malnutrition of trekking thousands of miles to get the border. They don't tell you that those same children have been eating unmonitored food with thousands of microorganism some mal some good.

Not all immigrants are not bad people. The notions that all immigrants are criminals is "fake news." It has been a hook, line, and sinker for the Republican Party. There are studies such as one from the journal Criminology showing that places with high undocumented immigrant population does not equal high crime.

Should undocumented citizens attempt to become legal residents of the United States? Absolutely, and that is a problem if they are evading taxes and other legal notions with more consequences.

However, we should not lie to ourselves and act as a wall is to help border security against drugs and crime. It's just a physical quota like 1920s immigration laws. There is a better solution then sacrificing 5.7 billion dollars. Let me translate that: 5,700,000,000 dollars. That is our taxes. As a college student, I rather have those 5.7 billion dollars be translated to scholarship, grants, financial aid, and helping us, the future of this country become the best people we can be. Why build a wall when the future of America, who I personally think is more important can be helped.

I don't come from a rich family, and I don't have the means to afford a college education without loans, so when I hear that the Government can afford to give 5.7 billion dollars for a wall, I have the right to be upset. Tell me I'm wrong, and call me dumb, but this is my unpopular opinion.


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