By Blaming Ariana Grande For Mac Miller, You Are Complicit In Anti-Woman Stereotypes

By Blaming Ariana Grande For Mac Miller, You Are Complicit In Anti-Woman Stereotypes

Women are not here to wither away under their partners toxicity and save them from their demons.


Behind every man, there is a great woman, or so the saying goes. I've been thinking a lot about that saying in the past few days. While the statement is meant to evoke empowerment and remind us of the women who stood on the sidelines throughout centuries, it also evokes something much darker; the idea that women puppet from the shadows and manipulate from the outside. (Even if it was because they had no other choice)

But I digress. I have been thinking about the saying a lot in the wake of Mac Miller's tragic death and the immediate smear campaign launched against his ex-girlfriend, Ariana Grande.

While I understand people are in pain and shock from the death and are attempting to seek out both understanding and blame for what seems like a senseless loss, these horrific attacks that have forced Grande to turn off her social media comments, reveal much about gender politics and it is not pretty.

While great women certainly have stood alongside great men for centuries and most certainly will continue to do so, there is a difference between lending a guiding hand and the sexist implication that these attacks on Ariana Grande reveal about American culture.

The logic is that Ariana should have stayed in the toxic relationship for the benefit of the man and that her leaving him was what lead to his death.

No woman (or romantic partner of any gender identity in any relationship) should be required to stay in a toxic relationship just to please the other partner, or to save them.

This has an especially vile twist when it comes to a cis-heterosexual relationship. Cis women are expected to be caretakers no matter the situation even if it puts her own mental and physical health at risk. This does not apply to only abuse but includes addiction the disease that Miller was suffering from.

No one is required to stay with anyone, platonic, romantic or familial to save them. That is not your responsibility in a romantic relationship. Standing by your partner's side and guiding them is different than carrying a burden that a psychologist should be carrying and chances are, you aren't a therapist.

When it comes down to it, the individual is ultimately responsible for their health, safety, and choices, not you. Saving people is not your job and in most cases, sets the "caretaker" partner back and negatively affects their health. No one has to stay in a relationship to be the savior.

Furthermore, the attacks on Ariana Grande are a reminder of pervasive sexism.

Women are either master manipulators or idiotic harlots, or the caretaker and are meant to save a man when he has the capability of making his own choices.

Ariana Grande leaving Mac Miller did not kill him, his mental illness and choices did. Women are not here to wither away under their partner's toxicity and save them from their demons. Ariana and many other women end up trapped in these situations because of this kind of thinking.

Women are human, the same as their partner and are more than entitled to see out their own happiness and safety, especially if it means leaving a damaging relationship.

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6 Things You Should Know About The Woman Who Can't Stand Modern Feminism

Yes, she wants to be heard too.


2018 is sort of a trap for this woman. She believes in women with all of the fire inside of her, but it is hard for her to offer support when people are making fools of themselves and disguising it as feminism.

The fact of the matter is that women possess qualities that men don't and men possess qualities that women don't. That is natural. Plus, no one sees men parading the streets in penis costumes complaining that they don't get to carry their own fetus for nine months.

1. She really loves and values women.

She is incredibly proud to be a woman.

She knows the amount of power than a woman's presence alone can hold. She sees when a woman walks into a room and makes the whole place light up. She begs that you won't make her feel like a "lady hater" because she doesn't want to follow a trend that she doesn't agree with.

2. She wants equality, too

She has seen the fundamental issues in the corporate world, where women and men are not receiving equal pay.

She doesn't cheer on the businesses that don't see women and men as equivalents. But she does recognize that if she works her butt off, she can be as successful as she wants to.

3. She wears a bra.

While she knows the "I don't have to wear a bra for society" trend isn't a new one, but she doesn't quite get it. Like maybe she wants to wear a bra because it makes her feel better. Maybe she wears a bra because it is the normal things to do... And that's OK.

Maybe she wants to put wear a lacy bra and pretty makeup to feel girly on .a date night. She is confused by the women who claim to be "fighting for women," because sometimes they make her feel bad for expressing her ladyhood in a different way than them.

4. She hates creeps just as much as you do. .

Just because she isn't a feminist does not mean that she is cool with the gruesome reality that 1 in 5 women are sexually abused.

In fact, this makes her stomach turn inside out to think about. She knows and loves people who have been through such a tragedy and wants to put the terrible, creepy, sexually charged criminals behind bars just as bad as the next woman.

Remember that just because she isn't a feminist doesn't mean she thinks awful men can do whatever they want.

5. There is a reason she is ashamed of 2018's version of feminism.

She looks at women in history who have made a difference and is miserably blown away by modern feminism's performance.

Not only have women in the past won themselves the right to vote, but also the right to buy birth control and have credit cards in their names and EVEN saw marital rape become a criminal offense.

None of them dressed in vagina costumes to win anyone over though... Crazy, right?

6. She isn't going to dress in a lady parts costume to prove a point.

This leaves her speechless. It is like the women around her have absolutely lost their minds and their agendas, only lessening their own credibility.

"Mom, what are those ladies on TV dressed up as?"

"Ummm... it looks to me like they are pink taco's honey."

She loves who she is and she cherished what makes her different from the men around her. She doesn't want to compromise who she is as a woman just so she can be "equal with men."

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Believe It Or Not, Trump Is Not An Idiot

I know this headline is scary, but hear me out.


If we were to place all of the smartest people in the world on a stage, Trump would be sitting (angrily I'm sure) in the audience. I do not think that Trump is an extraordinarily smart man. In fact, I wouldn't even consider him an ordinarily smart man. However, to call him an idiot would somehow diminish all of the harmful things he has done. To call Trump an idiot is to take away from how dangerous he truly is. To be clear, he is not dangerous because of his status, or his power, or even his money. He is dangerous because of his hate. If all of the hostility that man carries isn't enough, he holds alongside him a troop of people as equally, if not more so, hateful than he is. What is more dangerous than an old bigot you ask? An old bigot who is less intelligent than his supervisors. There is something much more daunting about an old man who can not make decisions for himself.

Often the criticisms I see of Trump and his administration center around his personal intelligence, capability, and shortcomings. Very rarely do I see the same attacks on the people guiding him, supporting him, or enabling him. Although I think Trump is a vile human being, I think he is often a distraction. At the end of the day, Trump cannot pass legislation by himself, he cannot fight wars on his own, and he can't run this country into the ground by his lonesome (granted I believe he wishes he could). To be completely transparent I think the latter action has been happening for decades. I think we have made, as a country, some very very poor decisions that have led us here. Although I think we are seeing a cascade of events that have been placed like dominos by our democracy, my focus is on the current situation.

So where does that leave us? In wildfires that our president blames on poor use of controlled deforestation while simultaneously cutting funding to conservation programs? In the potential wake of empty and careless threats of nuclear warfare? In states with steadily deteriorating infrastructure and education? In hospitals that we cannot pay bills for because our healthcare has slowly been torn from us?

It is important to remember that there are, unfortunately, people with much worse intentions than Trump. There are people working every day to mold the country into what works best for them. We are so often distracted that we forget that one family holds 40% of the wealth in this country, that our economy is disenfranchising a large majority of us, and that innocent people are being killed every day. We are blind to the lives we are destroying in this country and others. We are so caught up in whatever Trump is doing we don't realize that there are systematic problems our representatives avoid fixing like solutions are a plague. I think that there are many things wrong with this country, far beyond nepotism and narcissism. One of them is our inability as a society to hold all folks accountable.

Trump is not an idiot. He is an entitled man who was born into wealth and fortune. He is a predatory man that has had to do little by himself for his entire existence. I think he is a puppet, being moved by much more malicious hands than his own.

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