A Black Friday Shopping Guide As Told By South Park

A Black Friday Shopping Guide As Told By South Park

Everything you need to know for a flawless Black Friday Experience

Black Friday is right around the corner and that means utter chaos. That’s why I made this nice, little guide to help you out.

1. The earlier the better.

Make sure to leave dinner early to stand in lines. In fact, skip Thanksgiving dinner altogether. That sale on that flat screen TV that will probably be on a better sale in January, but you want it now, is more important. Plus, there will be leftovers the next day.

2. You're on your own.

When the doors open, make sure to push everyone in front of you. Those people don’t deserve the sale on Victoria Secret bras and undies. Every man for themselves even if that includes trampling people to the death.

3. Get it all.

Grab everything in sight. Doesn’t matter if you don’t need monogrammed napkin holders or that automatic knife that can cut through anything. It’s on sale. And there is no other sale except Black Friday.

4. It's war.

Be ready to fight for your stuff. If there’s one more iPhone X left and it’s between me and you? Be ready to go down.

5. Coffee stop.

After the first mall stop. Be sure to stop at Starbucks for a coffee break. The line may be wrapped around the mall three times, but it’s coffee… from Starbucks. So it’s justified. Plus, the waiting is good practice for next year’s Black Friday.

6. Charge it.

Be sure to charge every purchase to your credit card. I mean, it’s basically free money! You don’t even have to pay it off right away. Just keep on swiping and swiping and swiping! By the time you pay it all, you’ll be ready for the next Black Friday. #CommonSense #Duh

7. Speeding is okay on Black Friday.

While driving to each store/mall, be sure to go as fast as you can. Every car is another person that could be beating you to the last Kate Spade purse in the world. Don’t let them. Do whatever it takes. Don’t even stop for cops; they’ll understand. And if you crash, don’t worry, you can just buy a new one. It is Black Friday after all.

8. Keep on and carry all those bags.

Don’t stop at 2 A.M. That’s for babies. If you’re tired, then drink a red bull or go for coffee. That five-hour energy works wonders too. Caffeine pills too. Or better yet, mix it all together for one, huge, wake up call.

9. Leave the slowpokes.

If your companion is tired. Leave them. Ditch them. Toss them to the wolves. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.

10. Show off. And there you have it! Use this, and it will for sure, make your shopping experience much easier. Not to mention, you'll get all your Christmas shopping down. Enjoy!

Cover Image Credit: South Park

Popular Right Now

52 Instagram Captions Perfect For Your Next Beach Vacation

Perfect for those beach daze.

Summer is officially in full swing. We are all looking forward to the adventures that await us. A lot of us have been dreaming about the day when we finally get to kick our feet up and relax by the ocean. If you find yourself getting ready for a trip to the beach then read these quotes to help get your in the mood for your vacation. Whether you are looking for an Instagram caption or are just trying to settle a bad case of wanderlust, here are 52 quotes on summer:

1. "Hello summer."

2. "I'm happiest when I'm floating in the ocean."

3. "May you always have a shell in your pocket, and sand in your toes."

4. "Life is better with palm trees."

5. "Sandy toes. Sun-kissed nose."

6. "Balmy nights, pink sunsets, and salty air."

7. "Talk to the sand."

8. "Live in the sunshine. Swim in the sea. Drink the wild air." -Emerson

9. "Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should go to the beach."

10. "Spontaneity is the best kind of adventure."

11. "The ocean is calling and I must go."

12. "Here comes the sun."

13. "If it requires a bikini, my answer is yes."

14. "I'm just a beachy kinda girl."

15. "As free as the ocean..."

16. "As endless as the ocean, as timeless as the tides..."

17. "Life's a beach. Enjoy the waves."

18. "A pineapple a day keeps the worries away."

19. "Let the currents guide your heart."

20. "Happiness comes in waves."

21. "Let's go somewhere where the stars kiss the ocean."

22. "My favorite color is sunset."

23. "I lost my heart to the sea."

24. "Sun, sand, and surf."

25. "Salt in the air. Sand in my hair."

26. "Smell the sea, and feel the sky. Let your soul and spirit fly." -Van Morrison

27. "High tides and good vibes."

28. "Mermaid kisses and starfish wishes."

29. "Stop and smell the ocean."

30. "I'm happy anywhere I can see the ocean."

31. "Tropical state of mind."

32. "Forever chasing the sun."

33. "Girls just wanna have sun."

34. "Some of the best memories are made in flip flops." -Kellie Elmore

35. "Good times and tan lines."

36. "Palm trees, ocean breeze, salty air, sun-kissed hair, endless summer, take me there."

37. "The ocean is calling."

38. "Love you to the beach and back."

39. "Paradise found."

40. "Seas the day."

41. "Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink the wild air..." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

42. "Eat. Beach. Sleep. Repeat."

43. "I never met a sunset I didn't like."

44. "Beach daze always."

45. "Catch me by the sea."

46. "Only worry in the world is the tide gonna reach my chair." -Zac Brown Band

47. "Stay salty."

48. "Done adulating- let's be mermaids."

49. "Find me under the palm trees."

50. "Sea you soon."

51. "Hello sunshine."

52. "Don't mind me... I'm just chasing the sun."

Cover Image Credit: Jakob Owens // Unsplash

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

10 Ways To NOT Melt Like The Wicked Witch Of The Pacific Northwest In This Summer's Heat

Follow these tips to stay safe from the heat in the usually gloomy Pacific Northwest.


In the Pacific Northwest, we are used to the gloomy weather, cold temperatures, and a constant cover of grey clouds. That's why when we enter these hotter months, Seattlites are more prone to heat exhaustion and heat stroke since Seattle is one of the least air-conditioned states in the country.

Follow these tips to stay safe and cool and keep an eye on how you're feeling to avoid the symptoms of heat stroke:

1. Keep The Lights Off.

Turning off the lights is not only environmentally friendly, it has the benefit of saving you cash on your power bill and keeping you cool. According to the government energy website, lightbulbs only release about 10% of their energy as light, the rest of it is dispersed into your home as heat. It might not seem like much, but keeping the lights off if you can help it will make a difference,

2. Close the Windows and Blinds!

While I understand if you don't want to feel like a creepy Boo Radley shut-in, especially on such a beautiful day, shuttering your windows can help keep your house cooler. The less sunlight that can enter your house, the cooler it'll stay. You can open them all up again when the sun sets to let that cool night air in.

3. Make Smart Clothing Choices.

In the winter, you probably bundle up with some nice cozy sweaters and some blankets. Now, its time to do the exact opposite. Take off as many layers as you can even better if you can be in your home in the nude. And make sure that the clothes you are wearing are loose and comfortable so that they aren't holding any extra body heat against your skin.

4. Avoid Caffeine and Alcohol; Stick with Water.

This tip doesn't exactly keep you cool, but it's important since we'll be getting sweaty in this heat. Avoid caffeine and alcohol, as they both are dehydrating and you're already losing enough liquid as it is. Stick with some water or some juice. Even better, load up on that Gatorade or Powerade, to help you keep up your electrolytes since you'll be losing those as well.

5. Invest in a Good Fan.

Lots of Seattlites don't find it worth it to purchase an AC unit for the few months of the year where they would use it. While understandable, it is worthwhile to invest in a couple of good fans, to keep the air in your place circulated, so you can at least have a nice breeze. You can even place a bowl of ice water in front of the fan to help circulate some cooler air.

6. When in Doubt, take a Cold Shower.

I know what you're thinking. "That's never pleasant!" But you'll feel refreshed if you take a cold shower, and it'll knock your body temperature down. If you take one at night, it'll make it easier to sleep. Besides, cold showers are proven to have many other benefits.

7. Sunscreen.

You're probably tired of people harping on this one, but they harp because its true. Make sure you protect your skin. Most signs of aging are from sun damage, as well as the risk of skin cancer. Don't be sorry, be safe.

8. Ice Packs.

They aren't just for boo-boos anymore. Stick an ice pack on your feet or on the back of your neck, both spots are sensitive to temperature and you'll be feeling better in a jiffy.

9. Check on Your Pets.

Humans aren't the only ones who feel like they're melting in the heat. Remember to check on your pets! They can experience signs of heat exhaustion as well, especially because they have a limited skin area to sweat. Make sure they have extra water and are staying cool too.

10. Go Swimming!

There's a reason everyone flocks to the beach in good weather! Take a refreshing dip in the ocean or the pool, and you won't feel like you're melting like the Wicked Witch of the East — Or Pacific Northwest — anymore. Just remember to be safe when you swim and don't drink alcohol when you get into the water.

Related Content

Facebook Comments