Black Friday is right around the corner and that means utter chaos. That’s why I made this nice, little guide to help you out.
1. The earlier the better.
Make sure to leave dinner early to stand in lines. In fact, skip Thanksgiving dinner altogether. That sale on that flat screen TV that will probably be on a better sale in January, but you want it now, is more important. Plus, there will be leftovers the next day.
2. You're on your own.
When the doors open, make sure to push everyone in front of you. Those people don’t deserve the sale on Victoria Secret bras and undies. Every man for themselves even if that includes trampling people to the death.
3. Get it all.
4. It's war.
5. Coffee stop.
After the first mall stop. Be sure to stop at Starbucks for a coffee break. The line may be wrapped around the mall three times, but it’s coffee… from Starbucks. So it’s justified. Plus, the waiting is good practice for next year’s Black Friday.
6. Charge it.
7. Speeding is okay on Black Friday.
8. Keep on and carry all those bags.
9. Leave the slowpokes.
If your companion is tired. Leave them. Ditch them. Toss them to the wolves. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.