Black Friday is right around the corner and that means utter chaos. That’s why I made this nice, little guide to help you out.

1. The earlier the better.


Make sure to leave dinner early to stand in lines. In fact, skip Thanksgiving dinner altogether. That sale on that flat screen TV that will probably be on a better sale in January, but you want it now, is more important. Plus, there will be leftovers the next day.

2. You're on your own.

When the doors open, make sure to push everyone in front of you. Those people don’t deserve the sale on Victoria Secret bras and undies. Every man for themselves even if that includes trampling people to the death.

3. Get it all.

Grab everything in sight. Doesn’t matter if you don’t need monogrammed napkin holders or that automatic knife that can cut through anything. It’s on sale. And there is no other sale except Black Friday.

4. It's war.

Be ready to fight for your stuff. If there’s one more iPhone X left and it’s between me and you? Be ready to go down.

5. Coffee stop.

After the first mall stop. Be sure to stop at Starbucks for a coffee break. The line may be wrapped around the mall three times, but it’s coffee… from Starbucks. So it’s justified. Plus, the waiting is good practice for next year’s Black Friday.

6. Charge it.

Be sure to charge every purchase to your credit card. I mean, it’s basically free money! You don’t even have to pay it off right away. Just keep on swiping and swiping and swiping! By the time you pay it all, you’ll be ready for the next Black Friday. #CommonSense #Duh

7. Speeding is okay on Black Friday.

While driving to each store/mall, be sure to go as fast as you can. Every car is another person that could be beating you to the last Kate Spade purse in the world. Don’t let them. Do whatever it takes. Don’t even stop for cops; they’ll understand. And if you crash, don’t worry, you can just buy a new one. It is Black Friday after all.

8. Keep on and carry all those bags.

Don’t stop at 2 A.M. That’s for babies. If you’re tired, then drink a red bull or go for coffee. That five-hour energy works wonders too. Caffeine pills too. Or better yet, mix it all together for one, huge, wake up call.

9. Leave the slowpokes.

If your companion is tired. Leave them. Ditch them. Toss them to the wolves. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.

10. Show off. And there you have it! Use this, and it will for sure, make your shopping experience much easier. Not to mention, you'll get all your Christmas shopping down. Enjoy!