Here we go, running head first into a wild week of finals, packing and saying goodbye. It is possibly one of the most difficult times of the year for some, and possibly one of the best times, as some cannot wait to leave college, grades and tests behind and head back home for the summer.
For me though, it is a bittersweet time, and the end is drawing nearer and quicker. There have been good times, bad times, times where I question what I’m doing with my life and times where I couldn’t imagine what my life would be like if I never came to college.
The end of my first year of college away from home. I never thought I would see the day, but here it is. Only a few days stand between now and when I finally pack up and head out to go home. College has been a wild ride, but one that in only eight months has changed me so much for the better and pushed me to my limits. Especially my “adulting” limits and my ability to live life away from my parents. Navigating has been incredibly difficult at times, and I certainly could not have done it without my friends here.
Revert back to the beginning of my college year with me for just a second. Here I am, incredibly terrified, uncertain and questioning why on Earth I am doing this. I questioned why I decided to pack my life up into boxes and move to the unknown territory of college where I would be living with not only a stranger in my dorm room, but also 22 more strangers on my dorm hall. I quickly discovered though that nearly everyone else around me had been feeling this way and didn’t quite know how to handle it yet.
It’s a terrifying feeling to be left alone at college without your family and suddenly having to be the one to discover everything out for yourself. You’re suddenly alone without the strong feeling of security from your parents and are required to navigate through life while at college. But, the terrifying feeling eventually disappears, the anxiety you have every time you go to class or step outside of your room fades, and you begin to enjoy what is happening around you and within you. The 23 strangers I had to interact with and live with this year quickly become like a family away from home to me. They have encouraged me, pushed me to see things differently, loved me for who I am and experienced life with me. They are my security, the people whom I can immediately rely on for help or advice, and we love unconditionally without judging one another.
It has been incredible to grow with so many others around me and know that I am not the only one in the boat of anxiety and nerves. These past months have provided some of the most incredible memories for me, those which are full of laughter and tears and those which created unexpected friendships. I will forever cherish the moments I have had this year and those whom I have shared them with.
The time is nearing though. The time when I have to say goodbye to my dorm floor, to every person who has been alongside me through this wild adventure and head back home for four months before returning. It’s an incredibly bittersweet feeling to be leaving. I am excited to go home and for the joys of summer, but saddened also that when I return to college in the fall life will be different again, as I won’t be living with the same people or experiencing life first hand with them anymore.
As I pack up my life this week, I won’t only be packing up books, clothes and shoes, but also who I have become and the memories I have had. Those attributes will go with me and continue to shape me more and more into who I am becoming. The changes I have endured will continue to blossom as I go home and re-enter life there, and will remain ever so present. Goodbyes are not easy, nor are they pleasant or anything we want to do, but goodbyes help us reflect on the beauty of why they are so difficult.
