A Bitchy Girl's Guide To Exes | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Relationships

A Bitchy Girl's Guide To Exes

Make them regret that stupid move of dumping you.

64
A Bitchy Girl's Guide To Exes

Unless you’re the next Steve Carroll, and are the up and coming 40-year-old virgin, I’m sure there’s one person that sticks out in your mind when I mention the word, 'ex.' To me, the word ex is synonymous to other words such as: exams, going to the gym, not being able to eat McDonalds for every meal…hint, hint; I hate all those things. If you are reading this and are one of those bizarre humans who have a “good” relationship with your ex, leave. Go home, you’re making me uncomfortable with your “good” relationship of lies. For everyone else who has some trouble deciding how exactly to deal with certain situations involving your ex, I’ve got some advice for you.

Having a class with the enemy…I mean ex:

DO: Sit as far as possible, so you are not tempted to gaze upon their beautiful face. Sit in front of them, so they can gaze upon your beautiful assets that they probably long for. Smile politely if eye contact is made; many people in this life deserve your bitch face, but killing them with kindness will bode much better in this situation.

DON’T: Text them to “come over’ late night for homework help; no homework is going to be done, and either way you will wake up with some kind of regret. Don’t ask them to be your partner in a group project- y’all probably aren’t together, because you probably fought like dogs. You’re probably going to do the same over this project. Same also applies as above; you’ll probably wake up with some regrets about “working” late night on a project.

Seeing them in a bar:

DO: Smile, dance, laugh, take shots… even if you are having a miserable time and your friends forced you to come to the freshman bar because it’s $1 liquor night, and all you want to do is go home and order a pizza and watch desperate housewives; if your ex is there, you sure as hell better act like you’re having the greatest freakin' night of your life. Yeah bitch, I am having soooo much fun without you.

DON’T: Send them a shot/drink/beer- NO, just no. This is only going to send the message that you want them to be happy, and why on earth would you want that? (Half kidding). Also, DO NOT be that asshole ex who makes out with every random freshmen or pledge you can get your hands on in front of your ex!!! Trust me, I am all about making the enemy jealous, but like.. post a hot pic on Instagram or something. Kissing someone in front of your ex intentionally is such a low blow, and now you look like a douche. Get a room you savage.

Booty calls:

Do: Nothing. Literally block their number, block their Instagram so they can't slide into your DMs. Like by all means necessary, make it so they cannot booty call you, because I promise this does not mean they want you back, they are bored, and probably just want someone to make out with then will “politely” kick you out when they’re done with you. Don’t do this to yourself people!!!!

DON’T: I don’t know, maybe don’t be the ex doing the bootycalling? You’re just sending all sorts of weird, confusing messages and honestly, that’s not very nice. If you need someone to make out with, go out and find someone new, don’t create even more emotional baggage with your ex.

Their family

DO: I get it, when you get into a serious relationship that lasts awhile more often than not you create a pretty good relationship with the family. After things come crashing down for whatever reason, you might feel torn between wanting to move thousands of miles away to never see your P.O.S ex again and also wanting to still remain close to the family. My advice for this is if there’s a mutual desire to keep in contact, do so but on a very limited, positive basis. Sending little texts now and again is fine but don’t be blowing up the mom, or sister or brothers phone. Keep it short, sweet and to the point.

DON’T: I don’t know why people would ever do this, but I’ve heard they do so let's lay it out there; do not go to your ex's house to visit his family. Oh my god, you creepy, desperate weirdo!! That’ so uncomfortable for everyone involved, that house is like a fortress; you’re only allowed in if actually dating the dragon inside. You guys broke up, so stay away from his house!

Social media stalking:

DO: Okay, whatever everyone does it. You want see what they’re up to, see if they’ve gotten fat or have a hot new fling; I get it. Just keep it reasonable people- don’t live on their social media feed; get a life, move on. Or an even better idea if you’re a mature, responsible adult (lol I know) just un-follow them so you don’t have the temptation of late night drunk/sober stalking that might lead to accidental likes on a photo of you two from 92 weeks ago…..creeeeepy.

DON’T: I don’t think there’s much to say here…if you don’t get caught being a super creep on their life good for you. However, if your stalking gets obsessive and becomes bad for your mental stability, please find a local therapist and get yourself some guidance.

Real life stalking:

NO

Going through breakups is hard; it’s weird losing a person who at one point made your life very full, but before I get too out of character and actually seem like a decent human with a heart, I’m going to leave you with some final words of wisdom. There’s millions of fish, bigger fish, bigger fish with prettier faces and better bodies out there in the big bad sea…so go fishing!!!!!

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
girl holding phone
NYCPRGIRLS

Now that it seems “talking” is the new way to date, and will stay that way until another idiotic term is used to describe the people who can’t settle down and just date someone, I feel as if it’s time to go over the unwritten rules of “talking.”

Rule 1. Having feeling without feeling.

Keep Reading...Show less
The Stages of Having FOMO in College
iamthatgirl.com

Are you one of those people that gets super upset when you miss out on anything? Well, you may have FOMO, or fear of missing out. In college it’s not hard to experience FOMO every once in a while. You just love doing everything and anything, so hen you have to miss out on something it's the worst possible thing in your mind. Whether you’re sick, have to work, or have so much work to do you could cry – FOMO will hit you hard in college.

Keep Reading...Show less
Vivien Leigh
Revelist

I've lived a whole 21 years with an RBF (Resting Bitch Face), so naturally, I go through most of these struggles on a daily basis.

And before you ask, yes I'm fine. No, I'm not mad. This is just my face, so take it or leave it! To those of you who have been #blessed with an RBF, you'll probably relate to these more than you'd like to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

Iconic Duos: Timeless Legends

From Luke and Leia to Beyonce's twins...

774710
Luke and Leia from Star Wars, a iconic duo
Lucasfilm

“Name a more iconic duo... I'll wait." OK, well, if you insist. In no particular order, here's a list of 100 iconic duos that seem to be timeless.

SEE MORE: This Is The ICONIC Disney Sidekick You Are To Your BFF, According To Your Zodiac Sign

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

College Life: As Told By Bob's Burgers

If there's anyone who understand the struggles of college, it's the Belcher family

1434
Bob's Burgers

College is a time of gaining independence, exploring new things, and copious amounts of Netflix. If you're like me, you often find yourself laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of the situations you find yourself in. Here are ten times Bob's Burgers accurately captured college life.

1. What you're pretty sure your upstairs neighbors do at 3am every morning.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments