Two Distressing Trends
My freshman year of college, I was leaving my developmental psychology class when my professor stopped me at the door.
“I have a suggestion for your final presentation,” she said. “I would be very interested in the suicide rates of gay teens.”
I came out as gay to the class when we discussed sexual development, so I had a pretty good idea why she chose me as her target. I agreed to cover the topic, since I was flattered she singled me out and curious about the research.
As I pulled together data for my presentation, I came to a surprising realization: gay teens were committing suicide more often than straight people, but bisexual teens were committing suicide more often than gay people. Confused by what I’d found, I searched “bisexual discrimination” online and found another distressing trend. Straight people were not the only ones discriminating against bisexual teens; the gay community was too.
I scrolled through the search results and found countless gay people telling bisexuals to “pick a side.” I read comments in LGBT forums questioning whether or not bisexuality "really exists." For the first time, I saw bisexual erasure, a damaging, widespread trend found both in the queer community and our society as a whole.
Coming out as gay was a wonderful, liberating process for me, but several friends who identify as bisexual have told me how terrified they are to come out, with good reason. The society that warmly welcomed me isn’t as accepting of identities which don’t fit the "sexuality standard." No one can fall somewhere between gay and straight. Everyone has to "pick a side.” Bisexual erasure is clearly embedded in our culture, so what is sustaining it?
The Gay-Or-Straight Narrative
According to the socio-cultural perspective of communication theory, as we communicate with each other, we create our own culture, our own reality. As we talk about sexual identity and coming out of the closet, we decide what those concepts mean. When I think of the big “talkers” in our society — moviemakers, journalists, novelists — it's pretty clear they're talking about the gay experience in a pretty rigid, either-or way.
In their essay, “Out of the Closet and All Grown Up,” literary experts Amanda Haertling Thein and Kate E. Kedley criticize how young adult novels portray LGBT characters. When they are included, LGBT characters are generally 100 percent gay, and coming out as 100 percent gay is what they must do in order to come-of-age. This reflects a larger trend--LGBT characters I've seen on TV shows, in movies, etc. are usually gay. I can't remember the last bisexual character I encountered in popular media.
A popular TED Talk by novelist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie called, “The danger of a single story,” discusses how culture and media tell one narrative about the entire continent of Africa, a narrative that labels all Africans as sick, starving and desperate for Western aid. As that narrative spread, one story about what it means to be African became the only story, just as one story about what it means to be queer has become the only story. “Show a people as only one thing, over and over again, and that is what they become,” Adichie says. Talk about sexuality as only one experience, over and over again, and that is what it becomes. If your sexuality does not fit the single story being told, if you do not identify as completely gay or completely straight, you are dismissed as confused, a liar or wrong.
As I wrapped up my presentation freshman year, I wanted to include a concrete example of discrimination against bisexual teens. I found a Buzzfeed article called “15 Shocking Confessions From People Who Don’t Believe Bisexuality Exists.” Through the anonymous app Whisper, people shared their thoughts on the bisexual community.
“I don’t believe in bisexuality. People are just attention seeking in my opinion.”
“I’m a gay guy and I think bisexuality is bullshit.”
“Stop being greedy. Pick a side.”
For the most part, my coming out experience was filled with acceptance, support and love; bisexuals deserve the same response. The LGBT community, who know more than most how it feels to be misunderstood, should be bisexuals' greatest allies, not their loudest critics. It is time to unite as a community. It is time to change the narrative, to challenge bisexual erasure. It is time to put the 'B' back in LGBT.
