I've suffered from bipolar disorder pretty much all my life. I was undiagnosed until about 3 years ago. Looking back on my life I can clearly see the pattern, the symptoms and everything that just screams out, "Hey! You have bipolar disorder!"

Coping with a serious mental illness like bipolar disorder is difficult. It's more than difficult. It's a juggling act, and the stress of day to day activities that "normal" people can deal with, at least somewhat effectively, frequently leaves me bedridden for days, even weeks.

I'm currently in the process of moving. One of the most stressful life events. I had no idea what a toll it would take on me. Going into it, I figured I would be able to handle the stress of moving. I've been stable for a couple of years, and I've slowly but surely noticed improvements in my life. I knew moving would be stressful, but I was fairly confident that I could handle it.

And I am handling it. But it's hard.

I've started scratching my scalp again, leaving painful sores and scabs. My face is riddled with the same type of sores where skin-picking has gotten the better of me. The insides of my cheeks have been chewed so badly that I'm developing canker sores, and it hurts to chew. These are just the physical manifestations.

My stable emotional state has been knocked down a few pegs. I've become tearful (unusual for me) and depressed. The familiar feeling of having too many emotions to handle is creeping up on me again. My stability is in jeopardy, and my chances of succumbing to a depressive episode have increased.

I wish that living with this disorder was easy. I wish that typical, stressful life events didn't come with the possibility of derailing all of my hard work. I wish I were "normal."

Coping with this disorder means accepting how things are. It means learning to put away the "should's". I should be able to cope. I shouldn't be having so much trouble with this. I should be more like other people.

Living with bipolar disorder will never be easy. There's no magic pill that can rewire my brain. All I can do is manage my symptoms and focus on my health and stability.

I am, however, comforted by the fact that even in extreme stress, I want to be here. I'm struggling, yes, but I want to live. A few years ago I didn't feel the same way.

Even though bipolar disorder sucks, slowly but surely, I am getting better.