Bipolar Disorder affects millions of people around the world. It's an illness that affects a person's moods. You go up and down like a roller coaster. This post is about my journey with Bipolar, buckle up because it's a long journey.
I was 26 years old when I was diagnosed. I still remember the date - 08 October 2018. I was hypo manic at the time mixed in with some mania. I was living on 4 hours of sleep a night and energetic as hell. My best friend picked me up to take me to the doctors and she walked into the door and found a very talkative hyper bunny me. it's like I had ten cups of coffee. At the doctors, i was jumping from one topic to the next. my amazing doctor who is like a friend diagnosed me with bipolar. She prescribed me medication which I only took days later because I believed i was totally normal and that there was nothing wrong with my behaviour. I was wrong and it was the only beginning!
The medication wasn't working and my highs and lows were intensifying. My mania's and depressions were getting worse. Bipolar symptoms do get worse as you get older. I'll first start with the severe depression which hit after Christmas 2018 it lasted into middle of January and then I immediately swung into a psychotic mania which was my most powerful episode yet. I was sleeping three - 5 hours a night. I was constantly pacing with a mind that wouldn't shut up. I started writing endless poems and started ten novels. i was Ariel (The Little Mermaid) and my boyfriend had to take me to the beach where i could swim like a mermaid. At the beach I was walking so fast and bumped into people. I saw King Triton's castle on the horizon and I was soaring like a bird in the sky. My psychosis intensified each day, I was in love with a celebrity who was in love with me in my mind. His name is Noah Centineo. My money was spent on endless cups and shirts with his gorgeous face on the cover. I claimed Jesus was returning to Earth and I felt like the sexiest most cleverest person on the planet.
After mania you crash and after that episode I slept for days and because I didn't remember many things my mom phoned with a worried tone. My best friend messaged and told my mom about my plans. In my manic high, I messaged my best friend and told her I was going to leave my boyfriend of four years and go back to my ex who I got back into contact with. The guilt hit like a ton of bricks and my mom said, "Come home." That's what I did, I travelled from Australia back to South Africa.
I lived with my mom for seven months and during that time I had one severe depression episode (my mom had to shower me), a psychotic mixed episode where you experience mania and depression at the same time. It was a month full of energy, sleepless nights, seeing alien faces, crying, laughing and suicidal. The alien faces weren't fun, it started when I closed my eyes then i started seeing the faces everywhere: on the walls, in the sky and in between trees. South Africa saved my life, I saw a psychiatrist there who prescribed Lithium.
Lithium has changed my life for the better. I still have mood swings but they're not severe or last long. Now it's just short bouts which i can handle. Living with Bipolar hasn't been easy and each day is a question - am I me? Tigger? or Eeyore? I take my medication everyday so that I won't get psychotic, impulsive and take risks while soaring like an eagle in the sky. I do have a lot to be thankful for bipolar as it's enhanced my creativity and given me the self confidence to achieve things. I have three university degree's, nearly obtaining my fourth. I'm a published author and I get to share my story with people who may be struggling like me.
Bipolar is a debilitating disorder but with the right medication and therapy our swings can go from a roller coaster to a straight line.
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