You want to feel free?

Make a list of regrets

And finish them off.

You are not

Your state of mind.

Ride the wave,

The tides will change.

I miss being up.

I crave the thrill.

I hit for the high,

But that was before 2 pills.

Just one had me flying,

Or I thought I was dying.

Added one more

And I feel like I have been

Set down on earth for the

First time.

I like it here,

But it's scarer than in the clouds

Where no one can hurt you.

Couldn't be touched.

1 pill.

So up.

I couldn't be brought down.

How couldn't I miss that?

You are you when you're happy.

And I got to be completely me all the time.

It was wonderful.

The problem was I wasn't here.

I was scaring people close to me.

I was seeing them,

But not really being with them.

I felt like I was flying above them.

An angel.

I saw all their problems

And always thought of ways to fix them.

But I couldn't connect.

It didn't bother me because

It was safer.

But I'm ready.

I'm ready to be here.

To be fully alive.

Feel everything for the first time.

Even though I know I have been terrified

To do that very thing.

Really being here.

But I'm fucking here.

I'm done chasing the high.

I am the high.

Chase me.

2 pills – balanced

The term Bipolar can get a bad rap, but this just means that you have really high highs and really low lows. It's not a huge deal but can be really challenging to get through life unmedicated, undiagnosed and misunderstood. Therapy, support, and/or the right medications can change your state of mind and change your life for the better.

Just an anti-depressant had me soaring too close to the sun. And although it was amazing, it burned. Unpredicted, I could soar downward like a falling star. A year or so later, I added another pill that fixed chronic migraines and leveled out bipolar. It was true. I had been struggling, undiagnosed with bipolar 1 up until age 22.

At age 23, I am on 2 medications that balance out the highs and lows, so I feel right. Not normal. I hate the word normal. It's boring and I am anything but. But I get to feel like me from the moment I wake up to the minute I fall asleep and I would take 2 pills a day for the rest of my life to keep that.

Controlled. The only way I can put it is that I now have control.

I have never had the power in my hands before.

It scares but excites me to see where I'll go

With the power to decide.