This is a topic that has taken me a lot of courage to actually sit down and write, so please- bare with me here.

I have been doing theatre since size wasn't an issue. I played Cogsworth from Beauty and the Beast in one month and Jojo from Seussical in the next month and it didn't matter. It didn't matter how I looked or how much I weighed. Sure, you could base those reasonings on the fact that this was children's theatre and technically they had no other casting choices. However, I do feel as though casting has gotten a bit out of hand.

My experiences in theatre have been limited by the way that I look and I am truly at a point in my life where I am tired of it. "Type" has become something that we are tied to and cannot escape from. I am a woman who can belt, but I am also a woman who can mix. I am a woman who can make you laugh, but I am also a woman that can make you cry. I am a woman who may be a bit bigger than others, but that doesn't make me any less of a fucking woman.

If I had a dollar for every time I was asked if I had played Tracy Turnblad, I would have enough money to buy myself a pair of LaDucas (which I would use because guess what? Big girls can dance too). To the 14 people who have asked me in the last month, yes- I do have Kindergarten Boyfriend from Heathers The Musical in my book. But why am I typed into the "big nerdy girl" all the time? Why am I constantly told that I won't get any work until I'm 30 and can comfortably play a mother? (I say comfortably because you bet your ass I have before because I'm "too big" to play someone my own age). Why is it that when I tell someone I am auditioning for Natalie from Next To Normal, I am looked at like I have 4 heads? Why is it that if a big girl plays Wendla in Spring Awakening, it means they are taking the show in a "different direction"? There are several roles in the history of theatre that have no ideal weight or body image in the character description, yet, we are constantly reminded that an ingenue must be a skinny girl because they are the most "desirable".

Talent seems to be a foreign concept these days, so why do I spend money on training? Sure I can belt the C in "Happy to Keep His Dinner Warm" that Rosemary sings in How To Succeed in Business, but I won't even be looked at twice because of my body type. I am just as youthful as Olive or Logan from Spelling Bee, but those girls don't look like me- or at least the directors don't think so. I've developed a legit voice that I would love to put to use. I can mix just like Cosette in Les Miserablés, but none of the Marius' would fall in love with a bigger Cosette, right? Because society today views big girls as ugly girls. There is no in-between. If you're big, you're naturally just not appealing on or off stage.

This is not to say that type does not exist at all. Yes I know, I would make a funny Martha in Heathers and a great Rose in Dogfight. There are a bunch of shows where type and body image are a necessity and I absolutely understand that. This is to say that big girls in theatre shouldn't always be categorized as big girls. Big girls in theatre shouldn't always be the comedic relief. Big girls in theatre shouldn't be some sexualized, "big boobs", "big ass", "bad bitch" type of character. Big girls should just be looked at as girls and given the same opportunities as everyone else.

I am proud of my body type, but most of all, I'm proud of myself.