Decision defined by Google is stated as, “a conclusion or resolution reached after consideration”. Those who utterly and intimately know me are aware that the sole mention of the word “decision” palpitates my heart. Most nights while waiting in the deli line at Marsh Hall I cant decide whether or not to put pickles on my white wrap which Is usually filled with provolone cheese, lettuce, and ranch but on the off chance I am feeling treacherous I change my accustomed order and god only knows how long that can take.
Currently I am a sophomore college student at Salem State University whom is taking 15.5 credits. I want to rewind here for a brief moment and tell all of you that the journey for me to College was nothing but easy. In my early education days I was diagnosed with a learning disability in math. I was pulled out of class countless times to take these tests. I clearly remember sitting at an oval, brown, and hard table with teachers surrounding me on both sides. In front of me laid a plethora of geometrical shapes in building box form and I was told to match the shapes up. Sounds simple right? To most kids matching shapes together is the easiest thing in the world, not for me. I could not visually see where the shapes met and I remember trying time after time and every single time I would match the circle up with the square and call it a day. It sounds confusing and complicated because well to me it was. Some people have disabilities in reading and others having a disability in math and I was apart of that statistic.
Being called down to the school shrink at a young age was never pleasant. Even worse is being called down to the school shrink to be told you have a learning disability. I blatantly remember sitting in his office crying because at that moment I felt like I was disposable. I didn’t feel smart and for a very long time I believed I wasn’t.
My middle school years were filled with a countless amount of extra help, and mental breakdowns. During this time I was taking a level 2 math class, which meant “average”, and to me being average in math was nothing short of a miracle. Shortly though the class became too overwhelming and I was transferred into a level 3 math class. Back in those days level 3 was outlawed. Nobody wanted to hang out with the kids who were taking level 3 classes. To my surprise though I succeeded.
Ultimately my middle school days ended and I moved onto high school. My high school was surely not the best school in CT but without it I would not be where I am today and I would not be who I am today and I am forever grateful for the teachers, friendships, and skills learned during my time in Rockville High School. I was placed into pre-algebra and then algebra. A teacher once told me “you will never take geometry it will be like torture for you." So to my and everyone else’s surprise my senior year of high school I bit the bullet and registered for a geometry class. This to me was the bravest and most courageous thing I have ever done. My learning disability stemmed from shapes and I decided that I was going to overcome the impossible.
If it wasn’t for my immovable, enlightened, and overall incredible case manager Mrs. Fagan I would not be in College and I would not be writing this today. Mrs. Fagan truly taught me what it has meant to be a warrior, survivor, conqueror, and overall dream seeker. Mrs. Fagan and I spent every single study hall working on geometry and I have never had a teacher teach me more.
Mrs. Fagan made me not only receive a 95 in geometry she made me realize that I can overcome any and all obstacles. I not only overachieved in this class I enjoyed it. The feeling of beating a geometry problem to me was how people must feel after winning the lottery. I felt that good. This in no way, shape, or form has been an easy road for me I have had to work countless hours and I have had to conquer one of my biggest fears and in this case that was shapes.
The journey to College for me was nothing but easy. Somehow, someway I have made it. It could have something to do with my ongoing and everlasting faith, magic, and a bit of hard work. I never dreamed that I would be accepted into College. College was never in the cards for a girl like me, and if it were talked about I was expected to go to a Community College I was never the smart girl in high school. I was the quiet girl, the girl with tons of siblings, the short girl, but I was never once labeled as the smart girl. To my surprise though I graduated with honors and was in the top 50 percent of my class. Walking down the hallway after receiving my diploma I read the emotions of all the teachers surrounding me and to be frank I have never seen a bigger smile on Mrs. Fagan’s face then I did that day. This wasn’t only my day; this was hers too.
Over the past two years I have learned, grown, and ultimately I have grown up to be the person I always wanted to be and that is the girl who works with every last breath to do her best no matter the circumstances. Their have been countless bumps in the road but there have also been shining moments and tears of joy. This University is filled with innovators, thinkers, nurses, and overall genuine and loving people. I have had the best and the worst of times in this University.
A wise man once told me, “no matter where you go, go with all your heart” This is my goodbye to you; Salem State University I would like to thank you for changing my world and for also changing the way I feel about myself. For me to be the happy, bubbly, outgoing Courtney I know I am. I have chosen to transfer to a University closer to home for the next two years as I truly and utterly believe this will be the best decision for me. Coming from the girl who has a hard time most days deciding whether or not to have pickles on her white wrap at dinner. This was an extremely hard decision to make. If any of you reading this has a hard decision to make I want you to go with the decision that makes your heart happy because all of you deserve to be happy, dancing on air happy and if you decide you are not you have the power and the wisdom to make a change despite what others may be telling you. There is always going to be fear in making a change but that is what makes it all the more while. We are all given opportunities and sometimes the best thing to do is to just say “yes."
I may or may not find the happiness I have been seeking at my new school but I do know that wherever this journey may take me that I will be okay not just okay I will be good.
