Sometimes I am mean to my little sisters, and I don't know why. It's like I can hear the venom spewing out of my mouth but it just sort of... happens.
I wish I could understand how asking for help with a book report could make me so furious, or why not putting the laundry away was such a personal attack against my existence. I guess the point is, I just take things out on them.
Not to say that it isn't super frustrating that the 5th grader can't do her paper until the day before its due, but still... don't I still do the same thing... just like... in college?
Sometimes It's hard to be an adult with sisters who are still very much so little girls. My youngest sister is still writing one-page book reports in ariel font using choppy sentences while I am writing entire notebooks full of reports, research, and articles. My workload grows and grows, and while I'm sitting at my laptop crying because the weight of it all is CRUSHING ME UNTIL I PHYSICALLY CAN'T BREATHE, I suddenly hear a *knock* *knock* on the wall beside my bedroom doorway and surprise, some little munchkin needs to use my computer! My computer! Mine! Can't you see I'm busy watching videos of cute cats instead of writing my reports because I'm DROWNING HERE?!
You get what I'm saying.
I am hardcore every day riding the struggle bus down to adult town, and they are still on the school bus. I eat the cheapest, most convenient foods I can find on campus every night because I won't be home until way past dinner time, and they still get to eat what mom makes for dinner. I will be up all night doing research and study-cramming, and they will fall asleep watching My Little Ponies. (Or God forbid, Law and Order, MY favorite show! Why does the 15-year-old get to watch MY favorite show while I do endless homework?? Now I'm angry!)
See? I could come up with example after example of why I am literally a jerk of a sister because I am 100% stressed out and they... are still kids.
I wouldn't trade anything in this world for the fact that they still get to be kids. I LOVE that my littlest sister still gets to believe in unicorns. I am so proud that my middle school aged sister is the coolest cucumber I know and has impeccable fashion sense (God bless, she didn't take after middle school me). I am amazed that my sister who is a high school freshman is so confident in her opinions and loves going to theatre rehearsals. They should need a ride to the football game, they should need to borrow ten dollars, they should ask for help with their book reports because I am their big sister. And I will admit sometimes I am very bad at my job... But that's part of the job, right?
I'm the big sister in the house right now, and I am crazy stressed by all the things that come with being "big." But as hard as I fight with them, I would fight for them a million times harder. I'm sorry that sometimes I am a bad big sister, but I am proud to say that they know--no matter what--that I'm here to be their big bad sister when they need me.
And sometimes their paper-editor when they need that too.
